Sex-periential lessons from a bating sexologist, Dr. Jallen Rix (hand2rod)
One of the questions I get most as a sexologist is “Doc, how can I be more sexually confident?” It’s a great question, and in this day and age of buying Apps to solve most problems, having real confidence is not so easily acquired with a push of a button. Traditionally, confidence is brought about by experience. If you want to be a confident driver, you drive and drive and drive until you’re good at it. This includes making lots and lots of mistakes (there is no way around this part). Hopefully, you also submerge yourself in learning and doing everything you can lay your hands on to know and understand cars. Pretty straight forward, yes?
However, when it comes to sex, our opportunities to develop can be challenging. A lack of confidence can play against us. If we aren’t willing to do the “making mistakes” part, which of course can be embarrassing and humiliating—if we avoid this part, our insecurity can grow while confidence can dwindle. As I said, there’s no getting around the “making mistakes” part. Further, because our society keeps sexuality so secretive and “private,” lots of people are genuinely at a loss as to how to get their feet wet at building confidence. So here are a few key steps you can take to build your sexual confidence:
GET NAKED
This is one of the quickest ways to get over your body hang-ups. Walk around naked in your house. Go to a nude beach. Get an erotic photo shoot of yourself. I know it’s a challenge, but do you want to be sexually confident or not? Then take some layers off, baby.
FOCUS YOUR MIND ON PLEASURE
Here’s a novel idea: You are not at the mercy of your thoughts. Your mind is just one of the amazing tools you have to experience life, just like your body, emotions, and spirit. Use your mind to your advantage, not the other way around. Regardless of the flow of crazy thoughts that constantly move through your mind, learn to focus on your pleasure. Meditation is great for this. Long masturbation sessions are great for this too. Teach your brain to filter out the negative and emphasize the sexy! Yes, you can.
BELIEVE IN YOURSELF
Despite it sounding “airy-faerie” the most basic definition of confidence is “self-belief”. This is not a delusional belief like you can fly, or you’ll never grow old. Instead, it’s just a little more belief in yourself than you have right now. It’s accessible. It’s baby steps. It’s the recognition that you’ve enjoyed sex before, and despite mishaps or challenges, you’re determined to enjoy it again by getting gradually better and better at it. Self-believe is a gradual building up.
MAKE IT OK TO MAKE MISTAKES
Have I mentioned this yet? There’s no getting better without mistakes. Personally, my sexual confidence has grown momentously from making sexy bate videos to post on BateWorld. What viewers don’t see is all the videos in which things did not go well. I have as many video clips that I’ve never aired as I do on my profile page. There’s no way around it. Give yourself compassion by embracing your mistakes and become more confident as a result!
CONNECT WITH OTHERS
Finally, find a group of people who will accept you and affirm your sexiness, regardless if you cum or not, whether you get hard or not, or whatever you look like. The path to confidence aligns with other Sexual Beings doing the same thing you are doing. Have fun. Slip up. Show off your sexiness. Enjoy the moment, regardless of how “good” you are at it. Healthy Friction events or BateWorld’s Cock Summit (coming up in September!) are excellent weekends for you to get your sexy on with other guys just like you!
Log on here to join us at the Cock Summit. I will be your personal pleasure guide and we’ll build sexy confidence together!
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