How do I tell my partner I’m a masturbator? QUESTION: My sex life with my partner is very healthy. How do I bring up my masturbation addiction to them, especially considering that I’m a chronic…
The idea that you lose life force after every ejaculation mostly comes from the ancient Taoist teachings from China, about cultivating erotic energy by experiencing intense, prolonged sexual stimulation, but then retaining your semen. This idea can also be found in the Tantra teachings of East India.
There is nothing wrong with what turns you on. This one probably qualifies as a sexual fetish. Such a fetish is usually a situation, a prop, a costume, an image, or any particular practice, even a role-playing fantasy, that heightens your arousal.
QUESTION: Is it wrong to fantasize about something that could be immoral, or even illegal while I masturbate? Some of those things just turn me on so intensely, man, like nothing else!
RESPONSE: Many people assume that fantasizing is what masturbation is all about. Of course, creative self-pleasure has many other major delicious facets. You can make a case for the fact that watching and listening to porn is a form of media-assisted fantasy, because you use the images that arouse you to stimulate your pleasure, and yet it remains vicarious. It is not what is actually happening here and now, though your sensations are real. But live-action porn did happen somewhere at some time and was recorded for an audience.
QUESTION: I’m uncut here in the USA, because my mother is sort of a Deadhead hippie type. She’s told me it’s more natural. I absolutely love my foreskin, but being in the minority in the showers at school, I notice some guys look at me funny, or even scowl. Should I say something?
RESPONSE: This can be a really sensitive subject, but unless someone says something to you or really looks freaked out, maybe it’s best to just appreciate the extra you’ve got. Try not to let anyone else’s opinion about you bother you on this, or anything else. Still, if someone says something that makes you feel weird, just say, “This is how I’m made, and I love it!” Who knows? He might even want a demonstration, or at least a bit of education!
QUESTION: I’m 27 years old in the military, and this is really embarrassing. I guess you call it premature ejaculation. I’m ashamed to admit it. Really cramps my style. My penis is so incredibly sensitive, I just cum way too fast. With anyone else, or alone, either way. I can’t even edge at all. HELP ME!
RESPONSE: There’s nothing to be ashamed of here. You’re brave to speak out honestly on this. It’s a far more common issue for men than you might imagine. Also, there is the opposite issue, of guys who get hard and enjoy stimulation but have a difficult time getting to the orgasm. Your extreme sensitivity, I totally understand, because I was something like that myself until my early 40s, when I discovered what I call Mindful Masturbation. I’m still extremely sensitive, but I’ve learned to make ejaculation a choice. I learned to enjoy intense pure penis pleasure for as long and I want to stay in that glorious place indefinitely.
It’s time we talk directly about masturbation as masturbation, the way images are incorporated into our masturbatory expression with a sense of playful exploration of what we find sexually appealing. People need to be called out to stop the euphemisms and speak directly about the subject before we can take the discussion seriously.
“I’m a happily partnered Bator who is fortunate enough to get plenty of alone time weekly to hone my skill. But I would love to find a Bate Bro to share things with since my partner likes to keep things more traditional… 1. How do I find a bro that is just into bating together and nothing else; and 2. Would it be cheating if there is absolutely no mutual masturbation or deep emotions involved?!“
Masturbation is “milking your penis,” right? Ok, not really. This milking masturbation technique is called the Irish Pilgrim. The name is self-explanatory, and no you don’t have to be Irish or a cow to try this renowned masturbation technique. Well, maybe, but that’s a story for another time.
Recently, however, I feel like my nuts are so fucking sore after just a few hours of masturbation instead of the all-night/all-day bate sessions of my youth (I’m nearing 40). I don’t know if I need to relieve my blue balls sooner or if there’s some other remedy/trick you recommend. Or even if this could signal a serious health issue. What can I do? What do you recommend?
Edging (aka. orgasm control) is a bator practice that takes time and commitment and is definitely not for the faint of heart. One must indulge in masturbation on a daily, regular basis to reach the levels of not only a true masturbator, but a true edger.
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