Masturbation Has No Orientation

From The Bi Side

Let me start by saying, to me, in my everyday life, labels don’t exist therefore I choose not to label myself, but for all sake and purposes to bring some clarity to those that may not understand, I am bisexual, two-spirited – I like both men and women.

As you may know, regardless of how you identify, bisexuality has quite the stigma and even more so, surprisingly, within the LGBTQ community – even when B is a part of it. However, that isn’t the focus of this article – we’ll save that for another time.

This is about life as a bisexual and life as a bator and joining the two in a harmonious dance of pure pleasure.

I’m turned on by both men and women, but typically when it comes to masturbation and bating here on Bateworld, it’s the actual bate that fuels me. Sure, I browse porn of all kinds, mostly while chatting with other guys who are doing the same, but what is really going on, what’s really turning me on, is the simple act of bating itself and sharing, exposing, and experiencing this with another male (or a female – which I realize is entirely rare if not altogether non-existent online!). This goes beyond sexuality, but for most it’s muddy and probably deserves some sort of explanation.

The average person will immediately think you’re gay for sharing your bate with another guy, let alone jacking off in person with one another, having a circle jerk, sharing porn, etc. To answer and/or to clarify this to someone in the simplest of forms would be to tell them masturbating with other men is actually no different than going to dinner with your male friends, having a drink, or watching a movie. Hmm, something tells me that comparison wouldn’t land very well to someone who asks huh!? LOL! But you get it right? You’re a masturbator – it’s just an understanding.

From The Bi Side-pic

It’s about the mutual experience and sharing the intense pleasure together. It’s almost as if both worlds (of your bisexuality) are being fulfilled when you meet another like-minded bisexual for a bate. You can talk about men and women, what turns us on, share links and pics, and explore our turn-ons together, but there is a comfortability that only you can understand. Just because you’re bi it doesn’t mean you want to reach over and beat him off, or even fantasize about it or other things, if it happens it happens. Now, say you’re bi and the guy you’re bating with is straight – I think it is safe to say that the comfortability level is much the same. Because you identify as bi and like both sexes and your friend is straight and only into women, that is also a formula that particularly adds up to the mere act of enjoying your penises together.

Females probably dominate that scenario – meaning because your buddy is straight you can both share and talk about your female turn-ons. On the flip side, you’re also getting to share this with another guy which, again, fulfills the other side of your turn ons. But again – it does NOT pose a “threat” to him – you’re not in it to jump his bones per-se. You might just be a little more sexually fulfilled if you will. He probably turns you on which probably turns him on and even though he’s having a great time and enjoying your company, deep in the bate, lost in the pleasure, he knows what you desire is also what he desires – masturbating (women, too, of course, that’s an added bonus for an even greater time.)

I have my opinions when it comes to sexuality in general and the labels we choose to identify ourselves with as I mentioned above. At the end of the day, bating is bating. In fact, I believe masturbation itself dispels the labels because again it’s the mere act of jacking off itself that brings pleasure. A true bator can understand that and that a bator is without sexuality. I think it’s healthy and bridges the gap between our segregated sexuality and beliefs and what or who we think we are.

We have our desires, our turn-ons, what really gets us horny, what fulfills us, but it’s all outside stimuli which we’re all grateful for, of course. I challenge you this: the next time you get bareassed, ready for a nice long bate session, close your eyes, clear your mind, and focus on the pleasure taking place…THAT is what it’s all about. Now, if you have a bate bud to do that with together you can share in the bliss, share the experience taking place, encourage, and help take it deeper, further, extending it beyond sexual orientation.

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12 replies
  1. Anonymous
    Anonymous says:

    “At the end of the day, bating is bating. In fact, I believe masturbation itself dispels the labels because again it’s the mere act of jacking off itself that brings pleasure. A true bator can understand that and that a bator is without sexuality”.

    At the end of the day bating is bating, indeed, and it IS a sexual act. I am having a hard time understanding why you would go through the length of explaining bisexuality and how a jerk-off session would go with a str8 guy over four paragraphs; and then say, “[…] a bator is without sexuality”. I agree that we don’t have to experience our sexuality within confines of labels, but it is naive to think that masturbation is not a sexual act. There are other ways of bonding with other men that does not require you to take your pants off or pleasure yourself in front of them.
    I think it comes down to internalized homophobia that we always feel the need to explain ourselves and make sure that others understand that we are str8/bi/solosexual but definitely, definitely not gay; so, there is no need to worry about a “threat” about “jump[ing] his bones”. My ex-girlfriend was bisexual and so was my ex-boyfriend. It all comes down to consent. If labels aren’t all that important, why does everybody get so bent out of shape if they are called ‘gay” or “bi”. Heterosexuality is still the norm today and this blog entry kind of perpetuates that norm in expense of bi/gay men by trying not to disturb the psyches of str8 men and portraying mutual masturbation as a non-sexual/bonding act between sexless men.

    • Erosinthyme
      Erosinthyme says:

      “I think it comes down to internalized homophobia that we always feel the need to explain ourselves and make sure that others understand that we are str8/bi/solosexual but definitely, definitely not gay.”

      Are you not also explaining yourself now? Nobody is bent out of shape here. This article is not intended to explain bisexuality or any other label, but to invite a conversation about being a bator while at the same time “identifying” as bisexual. It is also not intended to defend as there is nothing to defend here. It is all personal perception and experience.

      It goes without saying that masturbation is, of course, a sexual act – it is indeed, I mean to me and obviously you – I can’t speak for others. Being sexual and being BI-sexual or Hetero-sexual or any other label are completely different things. You can be sexual and identify as bi-sexual. You can be sexual and not identify as anything regardless of whom you’re involved with – rather it be love, a relationship, or simply experiencing the pleasures of masturbaton.

      There is no “trying not to disturb the psyches of “str8″ men” here – or even trying, either. Again, this brings us full circle to the act of masturbating itself. No man is sexless, but masturbation itself is sex-LESS – meaning you can be anything, anyone, any color, race, creed, sexual orientation and be able to enjoy the experience with yourself or another without judgment. It means there is a place for all of us where we CAN be sexual regardless of identification and orientation.

      My words are simply from my personal experience and it’s okay that my experience and beliefs may be different than yours. Your words are appreciated here, Anonymous.

  2. rjm
    rjm says:

    I find less experienced bators have some major hangups preventing them from meeting other bators for a masturbation session. These seem to boil down to sexual attraction as discussed here but also self-confidence issues. ‘What if I don’t find them attractive?’ ‘What if my penis isn’t big enough?’ etc etc. Folks, it’s all about the bate, the bonding through bate, being proud to exhibit your bating and recognising the shared love of bate that binds us all.

  3. Curtis
    Curtis says:

    I appreciate the original post and its attempt to simplify and explain a discussion subject that comes up time and time again on BateWorld. I find that it’s not so simplistic. When I joined BW, I imagined guys meeting up to be in a space together, sharing a beer and jacking off without embarrassment or judgement; I was astonished to discover that this scenario seems to be vanishingly rare. Most comments and discussions point towards an etiquette where a helping hand, helping mouth, frot, kissing, man-smell fuelling etc. are expected behaviours – not for everyone, I admit, but certainly expected behaviour on the whole.

    I am fully aware that the phrase: ‘to have sex’ means different things to different people and that many. many people will insist that ‘to have sex’ is only synonymous with fucking. Personally, I don’t buy that definition at all and I would regard pulling my buddy off as ‘having sex’. My test for this is that I would be very reluctant to grab a guy’s dick if I wasn’t sexually attracted to him and I certainly wouldn’t enjoy frot with anyone that I wasn’t sexually attracted to – and kissing? Just forget it!

    Ok, so far, I sound like I’m in opposition to the original post – I’m not. I identify as gay… because I’m exclusively sexually attracted to (some) men’s bodies and yet, I still enjoy masturbating (and masturbation is, by definition, a one man job) in the company of men that I’m NOT attracted to. I know that many ‘straight’ people don’t understand that gay men are not attracted to ALL men – but hey, life’s full of new and surprising information! Equally, I’m certain that I would enjoy masturbating in the company of a woman who was doing the same although I acknowledge that this scenario is unlikely to happen in my life time. I totally agree with the original post that the pleasure of enjoying masturbation in the company of other masturbators transcends sexuality labels… and, theoretically, even gender. I totally get off on being uninhibited with my masturbation and I’m positively joyous to see another guy losing his inhibitions and sharing something so personal with another person. Gay/straight/bi… entirely irrelevant to enjoying this and I genuinely find it a bonding experience. That, in itself, is sexually stimulating and transcends the labels.

    It all comes unstuck when, as I read in 99% of communications on BW, guys insist that reach-arounds, frot etc. are legit forms of masturbation – I’m not a great believer in dictionaries being the final decision makers in the meaning of words but just check the definition and you’ll see that it’s a physically solo activity and all the rest is just having sex without the fucking. When I’m asked if I’d like to have a bate meet with a guy, I want to just say ‘yes’ immediately but, it becomes apparent very quickly that they don’t mean ‘bate’ at all, they mean ‘have sex without the fucking (or maybe sucking)’. If I want to ‘have sex’, I’ll have sex; I’ll find someone who I’m sexually attracted to, and who is sexually attracted to me and, hopefully, we’ll meet and have sex – 70% of my straight-forward, gay sex meets don’t involve fucking and are indistinguishable from what many ‘straight’ men on BateWorld expect from a bate meet.

    I have no interest in telling straight men that they are actually bi or gay but, on a purely political level, I’m fucked if I’m going to let a dominantly heterosexual society continue to dictate the terms and hide behind a protective cloak of ‘I identify as straight… because I can get away with it’ while our LGBTIQ+ brothers and sisters continue to be denied a safe, secure and equal environment because they don’t have the luxury of being able to pass as straight or because they have had the moral courage to call ‘bullshit’ on the whole game.

    Just to summarise: I truly believe that enjoying the bate transcends sexuality labels but if you want to touch my cock, you need to do better than saying ‘I don’t believe in labels, brother’ while you actively support legislators and a society that will happily slap labels on people in order to do them harm. True brotherhood is about standing in solidarity, not denial.

    • Bill
      Bill says:

      I completely agree. Thanks Curtis for that beautifully articulate response.

      It sometimes feel that being bisexual or gay is the last thing guys want to be defined as on here. I understand that there are still stigmas attached and that everyone has their own journey etc, but when a guy identifies as being straight but also into cocks, I suddenly don’t know what the words ‘straight’, ‘bisexual’ or ‘gay’ mean anymore. I am bisexual because I am sexually attracted to both men and women. Isn’t that what the definition of bisexuality is? I’m not gay but also into vaginas.

      Bisexuality is a much misunderstood and much maligned orientation, but the more people are willing to be identified as such the more visible and understood we will become.

      So come on guys. I’m Spartacus!

  4. apalmer5
    apalmer5 says:

    Love when topics here on BW get a conversation going between bators. That’s an important part of our community is being able to openly discuss, chat about and connect with other bators. It’s a unique ‘hobby’ we share amongst ourselves either openly, not so openly or privately.

  5. Steve
    Steve says:

    Thank you, nice article. I am gay, but have no problem with others and their wants and likes. I am an equal masterbator. LOL

    Again, Thanks

  6. doggyboner
    doggyboner says:

    Thanks for sharing erosinthyme. I am bi too, as are most of my bate buddies. Some of my favorite J/O sessions have been bating naked together next to my bi bro while we switch back and forth between str8 and gay porn. It’s wonderful. With most of these guys, we were friends for years, and assumed the other was str8 before coming out to each other as bi. I appreciate the article

  7. Nude4cum
    Nude4cum says:

    Empowering,honest and bravely selfless article
    as a rookie nudist ,bi curious and devotee of sacred masturbation i.e. prayer and evolutionary masturbation how to find a temporary superior


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