AFFIRMATION: The GQ Straight Bate Article
Sex-periential lessons from a bating sexologist, Dr. Jallen Rix (hand2rod)
How exciting to see straight male self-love go mainstream in the GQ article by EJ Dickson, and what an honor to be part of it. Of course, like any article, there are so many things said within an interview that don’t get into the final piece. Furthermore, there are inevitably new ideas that come to mind once an article is published. So in that light, I have a couple more thoughts about why guys might like to bate together, regardless to whom they might be attracted.
During the phone interview, EJ (her voice sounding female) continually seemed truly baffled as to why straight guys would go to bate clubs, and her article explored a number of possible reasons. One angle that I think deserves more understanding is the silence boys face when transitioning into adulthood.
A long-standing problem in our modern society is that boys are in no way affirmed of their manhood when they make the biological transition. Rather, they have to “earn” their badge of manhood, whether in sports, achievement, or aggression. This might seem normal, even a positive rite of passage, and yet, it doesn’t seem to help us in the long run. Women, on the other hand, have a clear marker of their “female maturity” when their body begins the menstrual cycle. It’s not something they earn. It can’t be avoided, and if parents are doing their job correctly, it doesn’t have to be negative or awkward; it’s a rite of passage that should be celebrated.
Puberty is an amazing process that bodies goes through, and yet most of the time we are taught from a young age that puberty is weird and awkward and hormonal and confusing. Well with this kind of introduction, whatever are we supposed to think?
At least women (hopefully) can talk to their female role models and get a sense of inspiration or responsibility for their bodies, or assurance that what’s happening is normal. They are often complimented on details of their changing bodies (for better or for worse). All of this can be incredibly affirming. Take for example, a former student of mine. She told me her story: “When puberty first hit me, I was well prepared for the changes that would happen. Not only did I feel prepared, I was looking forward to it. I did not have the same feelings of dread my friends seemed to have about getting my first period. I was in the sixth grade when it happened. When I first realized that I was bleeding it did not come to me as a shock at all because I knew exactly what was happening. I called my mom into the bathroom and told her that I needed a pad. She was so surprised and got so excited it was like she was seeing fireworks. She must have called my dad to let him know the good news because he came home from work that night with three different all chocolate desserts. My grandma even called me to congratulate me. The whole evening was a celebration of me becoming a woman.” Incredibly affirming indeed!
So what do boys have? The onset of orgasms, erections, and ejaculations can vary widely between boys, ages, and intensities. But are they celebrated at all? Vastly no. On the contrary, most males’ crossings into physical adulthood have to happen in shame and silence. Sometimes, with so little sex education, boys often think they’ve broke something with that white fluid coming out of their dicks. That’s what I thought the first time I ejaculated.
Is it any wonder that horny young men would find themselves garnering support and acceptance by an impromptu circle jerk? Whether a word is spoken or not, at least they have some amount of commonality and a brief sense that they are not alone in their sexuality. Boys are not going to get any other kind of sexuality support from anyone unless it’s done punitively, “Don’t get a girl pregnant. You better wear a condom. Don’t play with that, you’ll go blind.”
Further, they have to do the one pleasurable experience that could affirm and celebrate their man-ness under the risk of being caught, of being called a sexual pervert, of being laughed at and ridiculed. Not one word from anyone that their body is working properly, or now that they are orgasming, they have become a man. What does that say about our society’s lack of support when it comes to male sexuality?
Heaven forbid, we get a glance at a male celebrities softy, much less a hard dick which could spell career suicide. What kind of misery inducing messages do we tell each other in public and online about the male phallus? It seems any and every phallus is fair game for degradation with never a positive word mentioned. Is it any wonder that we seek male affirmation and support, simply to affirm that our equipment works, and that it’s a wonderful thing, and that it feels good? Is it not surprising that guys like showing off their cocks, and sharing dick pics—not to be weird, but for just a little affirmation when literally no one will ever give them a positive word about their “manhood”?
The truth is, as men, we get little-to-no affirmation for our masculinity without it having to do with competition, sports, aggression, financial achievement, or conquest. That might work for some guys, but not for most of us. After all, we are told “Number one is best, and everything else is less.” Besides, what kind of conditional, unloving, make-the-grade, hit-harder-than-everyone-else, bullshit is this? A girl has her period, and she enters into the club of womanhood. A guy has to win at sports, or beat the hell out of others, or prove himself (whatever that means) just to have a place at maybe being a man, and most of the time that doesn’t even work. What kind of hell are we putting ourselves through? Is it any wonder we want the affirmative charge of being complimented for who we are as men just the way we are? And a real aspect of who we are is our body and our phallus.
This is not to say that straight bating is a “problem” that can be resolved by better affirmation at a young age. Gaining sexual pleasure and affirmation from male self-pleasure is a great experience all by itself, and who’s to judge where we find consensual sexual satisfaction? No wonder BateWorld is such a positive environment. When someone posts photos or a video clip, it’s like their birthday “Great cock, bro!” “Stroke that thing!” “That’s an amazing load!” Tell me, do guys get that kind of positive affirmation about their dicks from anywhere else?
Ultimately, being affirmed as a man isn’t about whether you like dick or like pussy. Like anyone, we just want to be accepted for who we are, and it’s about time we “man up” to the need for affirmation and camaraderie in a safe space where we pull out our dicks and show off our sexual prowess—you bet! So pull ‘em out, brothers, raise your right hand in the air, and repeat after me: “I will, ’ooo and aah‘ at your manly scepter, whatever your shape, size, length, or ability. For you are the king of your body and your sexuality, however you want to express it.
As your brother, I will do my best to accept you as equal, as worthy of love, as sexual, and masculine. Let us celebrate our manhood by mutually making our dicks feel great, for it is our right as men. ‘Bate on!”
If you’d like to spend some time with Dr. Rix and 40 or so other brothers for a weekend of naked bating under the Southern California Sun, join us at BateWorld’s 2019 Cock Summit. May 10-12.
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