All men masturbate. All men enjoy masturbation. But some men feel less able to explore this part of themselves.

For many of us, we have grown up with a story about how we should masturbate. It starts in our teenage years, where the story goes that we are horned up and spend many hours masturbating in our rooms, alone (this is a particularly masculine story) being a bator. The story continues that once we start having sex with others that we will masturbate less often as we are having our sexual needs fulfilled through sex. Then when we are happily partnered and/or married, we will stop masturbating as we will be in sexual heaven with our partners.

This story highlights how we view masturbation as not the primary way in which we are supposed to get our sexual needs met and how the act of (hetero) sex with a partner is privileged in our world views. The opposite to this world view is that found here at BateWorld. It is the view that masturbation and more generally self-pleasure is just as valid as any form of sexual expression. That we can live fulfilled by own self sexual pleasure. Further, that non penetrative sexual acts can also be a source of great pleasure for men. 

But how do we get more men to understand the joys that we can experience with ourselves? I propose that we call this movement Bator Pride.

Bator Pride is about turning our masturbation practices into a positive one. In my own experience, I have learnt that when I have embraced my own self-pleasure that it has given me tremendous joy. In order to achieve that I first had to let go of the previous negative associations I had with it. I had to let go of the notion that it was not as fulfilling as sex with a partner, as well as other negative stories I had built up about it. Once I was able to do that, I was able to find immense pleasure in myself and my practice. So much so that I now spend more time in self-pleasure than at any other time in my life. 

I have learnt that when I have embraced my own self-pleasure that it has given me tremendous joy. In order to achieve that I first had to let go of the previous negative associations I had with it.

I also want to make sure that Bate Pride as a movement is more than just about individuals. It is also about sharing this as a community. All men masturbate. All men enjoy masturbation. But some men feel less able to explore this part of themselves due to societal pressures. This movement is about talking to them and spreading the word about the pleasure one can have from bating. Taking it beyond our bate communities and into the wider world of men!

So now that we have decided we are worthy of this pleasure, how do we make Bate Pride part of our lives. How do we spread the word that getting your own rocks off is just as valid and a part of all our lives as any other sexual activity we can engage in.

I am going to put forward three ways in which we can start this conversation:

1. Dispel The Myths

There are so many myths around masturbation that we need to start calling them out: 

• Myth #1 – You can become addicted to masturbation if you do it too much. There is no limit to the amount you can masturbate. You can do it multiple times a day. You can spend all day masturbating. Just because you dedicated a lot of time to it does not make it an addiction. 
• Myth #2 – Masturbating lowers your testosterone. Studies have shown that while there may be a short term decrease immediately following ejaculation, that they return to normal levels very soon after. Studies have also shown that testosterone levels are affected by lots of different factors including that regular masturbation can increase your sex drive. So while the science in this area is clearly not well established, it is safe to say that regular masturbation is not going to ruin your levels of testosterone and may actually increase it. 
• Myth #3 -You can become addicted to porn. This is one area which has had a long history of problematic negative associations. So, it is no wonder that some men get hung up on how much they are consuming it. In particular, there seems to be a narrative that because of the increased availability of porn that this is giving young men skewed views on sex. But I see porn as just another form of entertainment. I look at it every day and spend many hours consuming it. This does not make me addicted to it. 

2. Talk About It

We are so ashamed of talking about masturbation that we never talk about it with anyone. Well I think this is as absurd as not talking about the weather! We are all engaging in some self pleasure so let’s discuss it. By openly talking about our habits and practices for self pleasure and masturbation we can learn and improve it. 

The first step in starting the conversation is to be open about your own masturbation practice. We need to be prepared to tell people how often we are bating, how we are bating, what gets us off. I am very open with my friends that I look at porn every day. That I enjoy bating and that I practice edging as often as I can!

The second part is to start bringing it up in conversation with your friends. Ask people how often they bate, what they do, how they do it. Get curious with those around you. By providing space for those around us to express their sexual desires and practices we can open them and ourselves up to new ideas and experiences. 

3. Education

We need to ensure that there are adequate resources for men to find about masturbation. The resources should be focused on providing the tools and knowledge that will help men explore their self pleasure. There are so many different ways in which we can express ourselves that most men only know a few. We have a duty to provide as much information and tools to others to change that.

Places like BateWorld can provide these but we need as many places as possible for men to find and discover these resources. Whether it is videos or tutorials on different masturbation techniques, or it is discussions on the kinds of toys, or journaling what you enjoy, all of these need to be out there for every man to discover. So post it to your social media and connect with others in this conversation. 

This is my call to action: Be proud of your bate. Never be ashamed that you enjoy spending quality time with yourself and giving yourself pleasure. Spread these ideas to as many people as you can. Talk about it, write about it, take videos of yourself.

Spread the Bate Pride around! We should never be ashamed of giving ourselves pleasure. 

Let us know in the comments below how you share your bate, talk about it, and educate those around you rather online or IRL. 🙂

Written by Masturbation Educator & BateWorld member 𝗕𝗜𝗚𝗕𝗔𝗧𝗢𝗥𝟭

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