Between the choice of sex with others and sex with myself, sex with myself often wins out. And this can be a hard concept for many people to wrap their heads around. But one place where men really do understand is on BateWorld.com.
BateWorld.com is a website devoted to male masturbation. The site prohibits pictures or videos of anal or oral sex. The devotees to masturbation on the site have turned jacking off into an art form. We’re not generally talking about the quick wank in the shower before work in the morning. We’re talking about men who bate (masturbate) for hours (“edging”), becoming one with their cocks to the point of “gooning” (that point in the bate where you are so connected to your cock that you are all but babbling and drooling).
The notion of solosexuality is one that is discussed on blogs and polls and forums on the site. It’s as if a variant of gay sexuality has come to light – gay men who get off on men (though straight men populate the site too), but prefer to get off alone, using porn, poppers and whatever other accoutrements they like (or conversely, use tantric practices to heighten the experience). Like in any community that tries to define itself, there is contention about what a true “solosexual” is. Is it someone who never ever has sex with others? Can you define yourself as <strong>solosexual</strong> if bating is your true sexual passion, though you do bate with others or, furthermore, engage in penetrative sex sometimes too?
When I bate, it’s an event that lasts hours, involving some and sometimes all of the following: Dancing in the mirror in fetish wear to Pearl Jam and Rob Zombie playing on Youtube; smoking; drinking my beloved Jack Daniels; porn (lots!); piss play by myself; playing with loads of cum that I’ve saved all week for the weekend bate; poppers; and so on. What happens is that I reach a transcendental place where my whole body is cock, my whole brain is sex. It’s both joyous and sometimes frightening. Members on BateWorld.com talk about falling into the “batehole” where you get so into the trance-like nature of the event that you wonder if you’ll be able to come back to the real world. While some bators (masturbators) get to this state of ecstasy while bating with other men in real time or on cam, for now, my preference is to do it alone so that I can fully experience my sensations without worrying about pleasing anybody but myself (how selfish!). I have no intention of giving up sex with others, but with the intensity that my bates provide, is it any wonder that I put bating first in my sexual pecking order?
Excerpted from “Hunting for Sex” by Jason Armstrong