Feminine Phallus

Feminine Phallus
Sex-periential lessons from a bating Sexologist, Dr. Jallen Rix (hand2rod)

It’s summer! The California heat is on and I am lifting my naked body out of a Sierra mountain river on to a large flat rock. I stand tall and drenched in the sunlight. The combination of cold and hot is like eating salty and sweet at the same time, but all over my body and I delight in the constant variety. I notice some clothed people watching who have just arrived, and they might be taken aback. Although this location has been a nude sanctuary for decades, it is not exempt from the rise in population (the world human number has doubled since the 70’s), not to mention the rise in body shame. For most people, it’s just too easy to conform to the status quo of clothing than to experience the deeply healing pleasures of the sun all over their skin or water caressing their bodies without obstruction.

I can’t help but feel their eyes on me, as if I can hear their brains thinking even from across the river, “OMG! That guy is naked. Why is he naked? That’s gross. Is that gross? Do I have to get naked to be here? Should I find another spot?” Ultimately, I imagine them being sort of envious of my courage to show off my fit body. Despite my age and my growing belly, I’ve worked hard to keep my body in shape. I feel very little body shame, which translates into a strong, positive vulnerability.

However, as I take a seat on the rock, I notice my penis. The cold water has shrunken it to the size of an acorn. Indeed, it seems about as small as I have ever seen it and it strikes at my masculinity as well as my self-esteem. Regardless of how good I might feel about my body, that all familiar feeling of never being good enough drops the bottom out of my stomach. All it takes is a cool breeze at a nude beach and my rod nearly disappears and it drives me to distraction. The critic in me seems to have an endless litany of what others might be thinking. Maybe the people were staring because they can’t believe I have such a small dick. They probably thought, “If I had a dick that small, I’d never show it in public….”

Yes, even a sexologist can have sexual insecurities. How can it be avoided in a sex-negative society such as ours? For the most part, I’m pretty square with my dick. When erect, it maxes out around 5 inches, which is just short of the national average (as best we can determine the average). I’ve always liked being a smaller-in-stature guy, and I decided a long time ago that my dick reflects that, too. It tends to fit nicely into tight places in which a lot of others cannot squeeze. It has given me hours and decades of pleasure and fun. It’s earned the title “Mr. Happy” for as long as I can remember. It is a constant companion, and despite cock stigma, when I listen carefully, my phallus has a lot of great insights, especially in settings like this where it is free to roam.

Case in point, just about the time I was ready to curl up and hide from the negative judgements, this “acorn” reminded me of someone from whom I have been enjoying a huge amount of pleasure. He’s an erotic performer on Chaturbate.com named “TripleXTransManXXX.” If you don’t already know, Chaturbate is an “amateur” sex site where people can sit before their online cameras and have sex, allowing anyone who tunes into their channel to enjoy their “show.” It’s got pages filled with women, right next to pages of men, couples, trans, and so on…. Some people have full-on sex in front of their cameras, while most of the performers are simply and wonderfully self-pleasuring for anyone to see. Hence the name:”chat”-“urbate” as in “chat” +“masturbate.””

 

I was viewing the men’s page a couple of years ago when I landed on this hot guy — broad chested, muscly, hairy, having a nasty fun time interacting with his many followers who electronically tossed him tips. Then I realized: I didn’t see a dick…anywhere. Quickly reading his bio, I learned TXXX was a female-to-male transgender person. With hormone treatments, his clitoris had grown some to about the size of a beautiful acorn. He viewed himself as male and therefore, he called that part of his body a dick — made perfect sense to me. I was suddenly faced with a choice: was I going to shut myself off from watching a really hot time simply because of his dick size? Hell, no! He has become one of my favorite guys to watch on Chaturbate because he’s sexy, he is uniquely himself, and he sure ain’t quiet when he orgasms! Yes please!

Snap back to the river: I realize just how much a sexual role model TXXX has become for me. The insight I’m reliving more deeply is that I am still finding ways that I define my sexuality too often by the size of a dick, especially my own when I’m self-judging. Why do I still use such silly excuses like comparison or exclusion to deprive myself pleasure and simply make me feel miserable? TXXX reminds me that a person can be hot and sexy with whatever they’ve got between their legs — of course! My dick can be the size of a large clitoris and still have a blast. I’m sure that any clitoris owner who is reading this blog right now is saying out loud, “Well, duh… No shit, Sherlock!” Need I remind us that all of our cocks started out as clits in the womb? It’s just another personal revelation of how I can limit my pleasure by the negative beliefs I impose on my sex and body.

Therefore, I am changing up my idea of sexiness to include, not just a huge schlong, but a soft, just-out-of-water penis, too. Maybe “Ms. Happy” is just reflecting her feminine side. If we can bend over backwards to make ourselves feel miserable about our bodies, using perfectionism, unhealthy diets, religious condemnation, unrealistic comparisons, and on and on…then I am going to bend my beliefs about my body and my dick size to make me feel great and confident and strong and sexy. And that’s nothing to hide.

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For July 2018, Dr. Rix will be in New York City seeing clients and facilitating workshops on the subject of “Courageous Body Positivity“ and “Men’s Sacred Self-pleasuring Circles.” Check it out: http://doctorrix.com/nyc2018/

13 replies
  1. Fluffy33
    Fluffy33 says:

    Great post again. I think that generally guys on Bateworld fixate on the erect phallus, sometimes using rings and slings etc. to enhance it even further, a little too much. It’s as if they have forgotton the beauty of the flaccid penis, its simplicity and gentleness. Sometimes, often when I am drowsily awake in the morning, I will let my fingers caress my soft penis, circle the opening of my foreskin, feeling it give under slight pressure, taking notice of the velvety softness of the shaft, feeling completely relaxed. It is not my aim to stimulate an erection, but just be at one with my penis its restful state. Enjoy your soft cock, everyone, because it is just as valid as a hard one.

    Reply
    • Dr. Rix
      Dr. Rix says:

      Mmmm…. yummy soft penis. I also enjoy resting my head on a man’s belly and letting a soft penis sit in my mouth – so sweet and vulnerable.

      Reply
    • apalmer5
      apalmer5 says:

      I totally agree, there’s more to the penis than just being erect. Every album should include a softy or two. I spend much of my morning bate working a soft glans. Indeed, savor the softness.

      apalmer5 on bw

      Reply
  2. Sfnjmate
    Sfnjmate says:

    About time our sexual engagments are driven by erotic desires rather than physiological proportions. Somatic prejudices not only raise barriers isolating our fellow bators, but reflexively, also isolates oneself. Excellent article.

    Reply
  3. utterly_confused
    utterly_confused says:

    I’m sure my opinion will an unpopular one, but here goes…
    I too have a love for the flaccid cock…one of my many favorite things about a flaccid penis is my ability through my fingers, hands or mouth to make it become erect. And I’m not judgmental about size at all…

    That being said, the entire FTM transgender thing, or any transgender thing at all completely freaks me out. In my opinion, altering your body to create something that isn’t found in nature is basically wearing a mask and lying. There are two genders. Period. And a prime example of that is the fact that ALMOST all animals, (the amphibians ability to switch genders is strange and odd, but they are water dwellers, so there alien enough to not be categorized with mammals,) are the fruits of a male and female of the species having sex. I’ve never seen a FTM skunk running the streets of LA…(but if it were going to happen, I would guess LA is where I would see such a sight.) To be absolutely honest, If I weren’t married and still dating…I would have the strongest, most appalling reaction to be getting undressed for sex and find nothing in his pants.

    Again, I know this will be an unpopular viewpoint, or even targeting me as being the most evil person on the planet…but I offer this scenario…
    If a white man was able to put on an outer skin transforming him into a black man, and everything about that outer skin was normal to the point that you would NEVER know it wasn’t the skin he was born into…all because he “felt” black on the inside, and you later found out the real truth because you accidentally saw him taking off his black skin…wouldn’t you be so infuriated that this guy was trying to perpetrate himself as a completely different race that he actually was?

    Reply
    • Dr. Rix
      Dr. Rix says:

      Hey Utterly Confused,

      Thank you for sharing your thoughtful opinion. I appreciate your honesty about being “freak out” about trans folk.

      I remember being at the very same nude beach in the story above and having a conversation with a person who was disgruntled that I would go naked, while he was fully clothed. The location is not so much the point as is, no one really has the right to tell anyone else how to look or what to wear, or even how to live, for that matter. I think this might apply here.

      You certainly don’t have to hang around anyone you don’t want to, that’s everyone’s right. With billions of people in this world – all of us unique and different, I really don’t see any reason why we need to waste our energy attempting to make people conform to this or that, but you certainly have the right to spend as much of your time and energy trying…. and I truly hope it brings the peace and contentment you want.

      Bate on, bro.

      Reply
  4. PenisX
    PenisX says:

    Interesting. I have also found a number of female-to-male transsexuals very attractive…although I too was slightly weirded out by that enlarged clit/tiny penis thing at first! Gender is a funny thing – its something that people really don’t like being mixed up – even very open minded people can get all weird when confronted with gender ambiguity. I have developed an interest in transvestitism as an expression of aspects of my masculinity (I don’t seek to ‘pass’ as woman – the beard is a bit of an “it’s-a-man-in-women’s-lingerie-isn’t-it?” give-away!) but for some reason I feel disinclined to be too explicit about it, even on BW. I hive it off into a little private group, just in case it puts guys off me. When I did try to incorporate it into my main profile I picked up some unexpectedly negative reactions from some BW members and it kinda shocked me, not least because of the rather overt misogyny it revealed in many gay men. Maybe that should’t have been such a shock. I dunno. I guess that I just wanted to post a comment to highlight that I have observed that despite the socially subversive and liberated disinhibition of the men who use BW, many of our notions of what constitutes masculinity are surprisingly conservative.

    Reply
    • Dr. Rix
      Dr. Rix says:

      Thanks PenisX. Yes, it is interesting how deeply our lines and reactions can go when it comes to gender. One the one hand there are plenty of differences, on the other hand, we are FAR MORE the same than we are different. No, a dainty feminine person does not usually arouse me sexually, but I’ve also had some amazing experiences with women that I would not trade for the world. I just don’t understand why so many people have to be so negative about it. Live and let live, baby!

      Reply
  5. Pete in Maine
    Pete in Maine says:

    Hi Jallen,
    I read your article with enthusiasm. My dick shrinks to an acorn size and grows as yours does. It’s really quite a wonder! Alas, I am still bothered by lack of show in public, and that amplifies the shyness. I tell myself that the only thing small about my penis is my attitude! Still, no matter the dialog and self encouragement, I still am embarrassed by it’s flaccid size. Regarding TripleX Transman…….The Dude is so hot, the body, the pits, the beard, the looks, he’s got it all. I’m a bit cockcentric, so I like to see the dick worked and squirt a huge load. But there is something about a cock going into a warm vagina that looks really natural. Afterall, it was built for such invasion. TXT, is a great role model for those of us struggling with penis size, and you make a good point here. Thanks

    Reply
    • Dr. Rix
      Dr. Rix says:

      Bate on brother Pete! Yeah, these days, I treat my negative thoughts like a negative relative, maybe they won’t ever go away completely. It’s part of who I am and part of “the family.” So when they start making complaints I say, “That’s nice Uncle Negative Thoughts, we love you…” and I take my clothes off anyway and have a great time.

      Reply
  6. Jackobator
    Jackobator says:

    I too have found this trans am to be rather striking and sexy. I surprised myself. As a group gay men tend to be a rather persnickety lot. In my 64 almost 65yars in our “community” I see racism, ageism, misogyny and out and out disgust for others that don’t fill ones idea of a perfect man. For decades I have stayed single because so many guys go off a first impression of body, fitness, penis size, body size, height, weight, even eye color, hirsute or not. I have found it disconcerting that a group that itself is socially still ostracized by the public at large. I have found, however, a more open brotherhood of penis worship here on bateworld that isn’t as discriminating bars and other gay gatherings. I do long to find a masturbation buddy, friend, lover maybe even husband. Maybe someday. Maybe, just maybe.

    Reply
    • Dr. Rix
      Dr. Rix says:

      Wonderful, Jackobator. Just keep being yourself and putting yourself out there. Sounds like you need to cum to a Cock Summit – wink!

      Reply

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