How do I tell my partner I’m a masturbator? QUESTION: My sex life with my partner is very healthy. How do I bring up my masturbation addiction to them, especially considering that I’m a chronic…
The idea that you lose life force after every ejaculation mostly comes from the ancient Taoist teachings from China, about cultivating erotic energy by experiencing intense, prolonged sexual stimulation, but then retaining your semen. This idea can also be found in the Tantra teachings of East India.
There is nothing wrong with what turns you on. This one probably qualifies as a sexual fetish. Such a fetish is usually a situation, a prop, a costume, an image, or any particular practice, even a role-playing fantasy, that heightens your arousal.
QUESTION: Is it wrong to fantasize about something that could be immoral, or even illegal while I masturbate? Some of those things just turn me on so intensely, man, like nothing else!
RESPONSE: Many people assume that fantasizing is what masturbation is all about. Of course, creative self-pleasure has many other major delicious facets. You can make a case for the fact that watching and listening to porn is a form of media-assisted fantasy, because you use the images that arouse you to stimulate your pleasure, and yet it remains vicarious. It is not what is actually happening here and now, though your sensations are real. But live-action porn did happen somewhere at some time and was recorded for an audience.
QUESTION: Bruce—I’ve looked at your site, which is great, and you seem to talk about masturbation being spiritual. How can this be, when religions and lots of people condemn it? Of course, I like it personally, that’s why I’m here. But spiritual? I don’t get that unless it’s, like, worshiping cock?
RESPONSE: Most definitely the pleasure your penis provides you with alters your consciousness, takes you into an exalted state, and can take you into a realm beyond words that some guys call gooning or monkey-bate babble. With all due respect to those who take religions seriously, those last experiences I mentioned remind me of “speaking in tongues,” or “glossolalia.” How can anything be more spiritual than these states where you go out of your mind in ecstasy, and enter the void of total oblivion? Each time you come back, is like a rebirth, right? Of course, you don’t need to agree with any of this.
QUESTION: I’m pretty decent-sized down South, almost 7 inches. A bit over 5 inches around at the thickest part of the shaft. Am I really big enough in the penis department? Is there something I can do? What can I do when I see really horse-hung guys online, and feel like a shrimp? I’m past twenty, but my body still grows a bit in spurts.
RESPONSE: Consider this carefully, because almost every man on Earth is in the same situation: Some men’s penises will be a bit smaller than yours, some a bit larger. But examined very closely, your penis is never exactly the same size—it’s always changing at least on the micro-scale, it’s expanding or contracting.
QUESTION: I’m uncut here in the USA, because my mother is sort of a Deadhead hippie type. She’s told me it’s more natural. I absolutely love my foreskin, but being in the minority in the showers at school, I notice some guys look at me funny, or even scowl. Should I say something?
RESPONSE: This can be a really sensitive subject, but unless someone says something to you or really looks freaked out, maybe it’s best to just appreciate the extra you’ve got. Try not to let anyone else’s opinion about you bother you on this, or anything else. Still, if someone says something that makes you feel weird, just say, “This is how I’m made, and I love it!” Who knows? He might even want a demonstration, or at least a bit of education!
QUESTION: I’m 27 years old in the military, and this is really embarrassing. I guess you call it premature ejaculation. I’m ashamed to admit it. Really cramps my style. My penis is so incredibly sensitive, I just cum way too fast. With anyone else, or alone, either way. I can’t even edge at all. HELP ME!
RESPONSE: There’s nothing to be ashamed of here. You’re brave to speak out honestly on this. It’s a far more common issue for men than you might imagine. Also, there is the opposite issue, of guys who get hard and enjoy stimulation but have a difficult time getting to the orgasm. Your extreme sensitivity, I totally understand, because I was something like that myself until my early 40s, when I discovered what I call Mindful Masturbation. I’m still extremely sensitive, but I’ve learned to make ejaculation a choice. I learned to enjoy intense pure penis pleasure for as long and I want to stay in that glorious place indefinitely.
…A lot of guys won’t just jack, they want to suck.”
QUESTION: I love the solo bate! Only when I’m with a guy, I love nothing better than rubbing cock2cock. Frot, you know? Best thing in the world, although a lot of guys won’t just jack, they want to suck. I even have a realistic dildo I frot my cock with. Am I weird? Is this a fetish?
RESPONSE: You are not weird at all, my friend. And you are far from alone in loving to rub your penis against the penis of a Phallic Brother. In fact, this is a special favorite of mine, which actually set me on my path to becoming an erotic activist. The truth is, I’ve encountered so many men of all kinds who tell me privately they love genital frottage with other guys, that I suspect a large percentage of human males would enjoy this practice intensely if it were encouraged.
QUESTION I am 43 and have been single for some time. I think my cock is getting smaller cause I only have a wank about once a week and cum quite quick when wanking, also I don’t get a proper hard on when wanking. Any advice on getting a bigger harder cock would be great. Many thanks.
RESPONSE: In fact, there is some truth to “If you don’t use it, you lose it.” With less use, meaning not masturbating often, or longer sessions, your penis can definitely seem smaller, and may actually lose size. I’ve encountered several men who went through prolonged periods with little or no sexual activity following a loss, an illness, or a traumatic breakup, who felt that when they resumed sexual activity, their penis was permanently smaller.
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