Premature Ejaculation: There’s nothing to be ashamed of!
QUESTION: I’m 27 years old in the military, and this is really embarrassing. I guess you call it premature ejaculation. I’m ashamed to admit it. Really cramps my style. My penis is so incredibly sensitive, I just cum way too fast. With anyone else, or alone, either way. I can’t even edge at all. HELP ME!
RESPONSE: There’s nothing to be ashamed of here. You’re brave to speak out honestly on this. It’s a far more common issue for men than you might imagine. Also, there is the opposite issue, of guys who get hard and enjoy stimulation but have a difficult time getting to the orgasm. Your extreme sensitivity, I totally understand, because I was something like that myself until my early 40s, when I discovered what I call Mindful Masturbation. I’m still extremely sensitive, but I’ve learned to make ejaculation a choice. I learned to enjoy intense pure penis pleasure for as long and I want to stay in that glorious place indefinitely.
There are some creams and sprays to slightly numb out your penis and help prolong your pleasure, but that’s not the most effective way to deal with this. You don’t want less sensation, you just want to handle it better, right? Best to retrain yourself; then your rewards will be life-long and even life-changing. I know from my own experience.
I’ve talked about this quite often, but the first key is learning to breathe deeply, abdominal or belly breathing, which helps relax you, helps you slow down. Just pay full, total attention to what is happening, but train yourself to be patient with this. Close attention to your arousal level means not only how intense your penis feels, how close you are to that edge you don’t want to go over—it’s also really, really noticing how excited you are in your mind. Your brain is where the excitement level actually registers.
When your penis is fully erect, and you are engaging in any kind of stimulation of it, physical, or looking at porn or an actual naked person you’re with, your brain fires all kinds of special signals and makes sweet, exciting, delicious chemicals and hormones. But it can easily get away with you, if you don’t notice very carefully, and MAKE AN AGREEMENT WITH YOURSELF!
OKAY, tell yourself, I’LL DO WHATEVER IT TAKES! Yes, there are states of pleasure you can never know unless you retrain yourself to go slower, to let the level of excitement go down somewhat, like a sink draining, before you plug it again and start to fill it up again.
Plenty of other practices may help you overcome premature ejaculation. Porn or fantasy may be too exciting for you, so try it cold turkey, without imaginary stimulus. Spread the erotic energy all through your entire body, away from your genitals, use your hands to stroke away. Use all kinds of different strokes to distract yourself; change your positions from you preferred masturbation position. Stand up, walk around, do knee bends, look in the mirror or out a window. Breaking habits, trying different things can distract you, help you prolong.
When guys have trouble getting there at all, it can be for a variety of reasons. Some guys get d-sensitized by too much dry rubbing without lube to protect the penis; watching a huge amount of porn daily can de-sensitize brain centers; a lot of vacuum pumping and stretching can actually cause nerve damage.
Anything is good in male masturbation, so long as you don’t hurt yourself or anyone else. You can get where you want to go, by exploring new and different practices. Keep me posted on your progress, okay?
BRUCE P. GRETHER is the “BateMaster”. Mr. Grether’s lifelong love of penises and masturbation has led him to achieve a level of mastery and understanding of masturbation that is at once unique and extremely rare. He is renowned for both his ability to achieve seemingly endless states of prolonged and intense masturbatory pleasure as well as his skill in passing this knowledge on to his students. Mr. Grether has made it his life’s mission to encourage men to take their practice of masturbation to new levels of personal enrichment and self-discovery.
Mr. Grether is a globally recognized masturbation activist, an accomplished masturbation coach, and a tireless facilitator of masturbation workshops. In 2001 he coined the now popular term “Mindful Masturbation”. He is the author of a best-selling book, The Secret of the Golden Phallus, plus the erotic fantasy novels The Moontusk Chronicles. His website can be found at www.eroticengineering.com.
A note from The Batemaster: I’m honored that the guys at Bateworld have asked me to respond to some questions from male masturbators around the world every week.
Always check with your doctor about any issues you might be experiencing with your sexual organs. Prompt diagnosis and treatment are important. This article’s purpose is to inform and entertain readers and is not a substitute for medical advice or treatment.