Ask The Batemaster

Ask The Batemaster: Masturbation Partner & Jealousy

If you get too possessive of anyone, that can easily lead to problems, even estrangement.

QUESTION: My best friend and I love to masturbate together. We’ve done this since we were way too young to legally mention here, though we’re young adults now. We watch each other, never porn, and love to do this mutually, even kissing sometimes. I don’t feel a need for anyone else in terms of sex, but he says he’s bi and wants a girlfriend too. I hate that! How do I get over my jealousy?

RESPONSE: Perhaps you ought to consider your friend, not only your own wishes in this. If you get too possessive of anyone, that can easily lead to problems, even estrangement. More effective for both him and for you, may be to communicate clearly with him something like: “What I share with you means a lot to me, it’s important to me, but I also want you to be happy.”

Is this true? If so, it signifies some emotional maturity on your part. A famous song says, “If you love someone, set them free.” This doesn’t mean you will lose him. On the contrary, to cut him some slack may prove a more effective way to keep your bate buddy as part of your life. Stretch yourself a bit, truly think of him, offer him free range to explore. You cannot know for sure where this will lead, and of course there is a chance he will shift towards another relationship.

Still, if your pal is truly bisexual, as he tells you, most likely he will still want some penis time with you. The kissing suggests some real emotional intimacy. The fact you don’t need porn, but both seem to get off on each other’s bodies also suggests that he probably will want to continue some playtime with you also. The last thing is something you cannot guarantee, however, so it may be a good idea to also open yourself to finding other bate buddies, if you don’t have any.

The whole world of guys sharing what guys love to do so much is really a major coming thing (pun intended)! Of course, while there’s absolutely nothing wrong with oral and anal activity, more and more guys of all sexual persuasions are getting interested in bating with buddies, as a way of male bonding and just really intensely getting off.

You can make a case for the fact that guys masturbating with guys is in some ways the most natural form of erotic pleasure men can experience. Oral and anal sex can be great, but there is usually some sub-text of control, even dominance and submission. There’s something especially pure and innocent (as well as hot!) about male masturbation and sharing it.

Guys naturally understand how to pleasure another guy’s penis, because they have their own. Most guys, regardless of sexual identity, can enjoy masturbation with other guys, and usually want a lot of physical pleasure for its own sake, which is a wonderful thing. Even information like Kinsey should be taken with a grain of salt, and labels like gay, bi and straight really refer to kinds of behavior, not kinds of people.

With you and your friend, there’s some personal history and emotional warmth to treasure also, so take care not to push him away by clinging too hard. If you try too hard to control him, it probably won’t work anyway.

Just be sure to let him know how much he really means to you.

The Bate Master - Bruce P. GretherBRUCE P. GRETHER is the “BateMaster”. Mr. Grether’s lifelong love of penises and masturbation has led him to achieve a level of mastery and understanding of masturbation that is at once unique and extremely rare. He is renowned for both his ability to achieve seemingly endless states of prolonged and intense masturbatory pleasure as well as his skill in passing this knowledge on to his students. Mr. Grether has made it his life’s mission to encourage men to take their practice of masturbation to new levels of personal enrichment and self-discovery.

Mr. Grether is a globally recognized masturbation activist, an accomplished masturbation coach, and a tireless facilitator of masturbation workshops. In 2001 he coined the now popular term “Mindful Masturbation”. He is the author of a best-selling book, The Secret of the Golden Phallus, plus the erotic fantasy novels The Moontusk Chronicles. His website can be found at

A note from The Batemaster: I’m honored that the guys at Bateworld have asked me to respond to some questions from male masturbators around the world every week.

Always check with your doctor about any issues you might be experiencing with your sexual organs. Prompt diagnosis and treatment are important. This article’s purpose is to inform and entertain readers and is not a substitute for medical advice or treatment.<

4 replies
  1. doggyboner
    doggyboner says:

    Dear young man, I heartily agree with The BateMaster and what he’s beautifully written. Although I didn’t have the pleasure of growing up with a bate bud, I now bate with guys which includes a long time friend. I’m also married to a woman and I’m bi. We have an open marriage which allows me to masturbate with guys. I struggled with having “crushes” on guys for most of my life. The same counselor who helped us open our marriage helped me overcome having these crushes. Being too possessive never ends well in my experience. Issues like need for permanence and fear of loss and rejection always got in the way for me of living a happy, content life and experiencing healthy sexual pleasure and warmth. I find the more I can hold on lightly and change jealousy to what is known as “compersion” (The feeling of joy one has experiencing another’s joy…such as seeing a loved one love another) the more satisfied we all can be. If you egg your friend on, to enjoy that girlfriend or pussy he wants, you might find that your bate sessions with him are even hotter. It might sound counter-intuitive, but it works.

    • Bruce P. Grether
      Bruce P. Grether says:

      This is great wisdom and insight from your own experience, plus an excellent extension of my response, for which I am very grateful, Brother. Peace, BPG

  2. fullmoonma
    fullmoonma says:

    I really like the notion that buddy masturbation is the most natural form of sharing erotic pleasure – allowing us to focus on our own bodies and sensations and energies. “Natural” meaning that it’s something that so many boys and men share.

    Anal sex for the lucky bottoms that are members of the “ass tribe” can result in delicious submission and letting go, which is quite different and often results in feelings of bonding, and I think something similar happens for the top. That’s why I think that it’s not accidental that cocks fit inside so nicely – a gift of evolution to facilitate bonding of horny teenagers.

    But it’s also not accidental that hands just naturally wrap around cocks, and arms are just the right length for sitting and standing stroking cocks to ecstasy, alone or with buddies!

    • Bruce P. Grether
      Bruce P. Grether says:

      What a wonderful response here! Indeed, I feel that the evolution of upright-standing, bipedal humans is a key aspect in why our hands so perfectly can reach and stimulate our penises and ultimately our entire bodies. Yes: a mouth, an anus, a vagina, are all perfectly suited in their specific ways to receive and provide specific pleasurable stimulation to penises. Our fingers are especially sensitive at the tips, which allows us not only to stimulate a penis, our own or a fellow male’s in detail, but to enjoy the manual and digital feelings, as well as the penile sensations. Our human penis has, no doubt, become the largest proportional to body-size of any primate, because our bipedal stance allows the organ to protrude so visible, flaccid or erect. Given several million years of attention, we’ve morphed this organ into the remarkably advanced, ultra-sensitive sensory delight it is today!


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