Ask The Batemaster

Ask The Batemaster: Is Solosexuality Anti-Social?

A happy solosexual can develop strong, good self-esteem.

QUESTION: I’m 23 now, but still have an erection a lot of the time, like in my late teens. Truth is, I’ve had plenty of sex with girls and also with guys, which is great fun! Only I really love to bate most of all. Often, I’d rather just be going at it alone. The sensations I can give myself are just as good, often times a lot better. Sometimes, though, it seems anti-social. What do you think of this?

RESPONSE: Your description of your preferences is a pretty good match for the relatively recent term of “solosexual.” By definition, this is usually understood as someone who generally prefers masturbatory pleasure to having sex with other people. While for some who have not examined the topic, solosexuality may still smack of simply being an alternative practice for losers who cannot get other people to have sex with them, in truth, solosexuals are the real winners!

A male solosexual is a guy who accepts 100% responsibility for how much erotic pleasure he experiences, and hopefully he gives it to himself without any kind of reservation, guilt, or shame. As for being “antisocial,” which used to be a common criticism of masturbation in general, the misguided notion that though masturbation itself might not harm you, but it could limit or hamper your interactions with others, this idea doesn’t hold water either.

In truth, you might as well be selective about the company you keep anyway, or you can fritter your entire life away socializing, chasing other people around, seeking the approval of others and hoping they will like you. A proud and dedicated solosexual who engages in plenty of high-quality time with himself, or even sharing solosexual pleasure with other solosexuals, is likely to be better adjusted than many men who feel sex is exclusively about having oral sex or intercourse with other people. A happy solosexual can develop strong, good self-esteem.

One of the virtues of your preference, as you know, is that your pleasure does not depend upon getting the cooperation of anyone else! What truly matters most to approve of yourself.

The definition of “solosexual” in today’s world of male masturbators has stretched to include various kinds of sharing between men who have embraced this persuasion. The male solosexual knows from his own experience that what he enjoys so much is in no way inferior to other kinds of sex with other people, even though it is in some ways, by definition different.

Solosexual guys may fully enjoy themselves in delicious solitude, or via cam may enjoy witnessing other bators and being witnessed while bating. Or guys may even share the practice in person with one buddy at a time, or even in group situations where the parameters are clear.

In fact, a well-adjusted solosexual guy will often be a happier camper during other non-sexual socializing than many men who secretly carry around the burden of a certain amount of sexual frustration, a need to prove their masculinity, or ulterior motives.

Celebrate who and what you are. Be proud of your solosexuality!

The Bate Master - Bruce P. GretherBRUCE P. GRETHER is the “BateMaster”. Mr. Grether’s lifelong love of penises and masturbation has led him to achieve a level of mastery and understanding of masturbation that is at once unique and extremely rare. He is renowned for both his ability to achieve seemingly endless states of prolonged and intense masturbatory pleasure as well as his skill in passing this knowledge on to his students. Mr. Grether has made it his life’s mission to encourage men to take their practice of masturbation to new levels of personal enrichment and self-discovery.

Mr. Grether is a globally recognized masturbation activist, an accomplished masturbation coach, and a tireless facilitator of masturbation workshops. In 2001 he coined the now popular term “Mindful Masturbation”. He is the author of a best-selling book, The Secret of the Golden Phallus, plus the erotic fantasy novels The Moontusk Chronicles. His website can be found at

A note from The Batemaster: I’m honored that the guys at Bateworld have asked me to respond to some questions from male masturbators around the world every week.

Always check with your doctor about any issues you might be experiencing with your sexual organs. Prompt diagnosis and treatment are important. This article’s purpose is to inform and entertain readers and is not a substitute for medical advice or treatment.<

1 reply
  1. Beautiful Obsession
    Beautiful Obsession says:

    I think the question really has to be how much socializing do we really need? I know some people who think they NEED to go out a certain amount or they have “no life” or something like that. But are they doing it because they really want to? Or because they believe they have to live up to a certain societal standard of what is normal? Sometimes I think of this more as a dependency than an actual desire. People seek out the contact of others to validate themselves. Or they have to demonstrate by going out, dating, having a lot of “friends”, etc that they are not “losers”. But how healthy is that really? You’re relying on others to determine your own self worth if that is the way you view things. When you are masturbating you are doing something that doesn’t call for the validation of anyone else–plus they all do it too.

    I myself an an introvert. Sometimes I go out. I do have one and only one close friend I do a lot of (nonsexual) things with, and a few that I call friends because it’s shorter than calling them casual acquaintances. My close friend I see maybe once a week provided our schedules are complementary. My casual acquaintances are centered around the arts and music community where I live, and the nonprofits I volunteer for so they are the type of people I run into at concerts, art crawls, committee planning meetings for upcoming events and so forth. That means I have one friend I see about once a week (and he also like to jerk off a lot too so he does plenty of that on the other days) and others I see generally once a month or just through running into them around town. I consider that enough, and by my nature I need my alone time. So, six days out of the week I make masturbation a priority, and it is a really really great way to spend time with myself. I mean, consider all of the self-destructive ways some people spend their free time. Or the way they can put so much effort into friendships or relationships that aren’t reciprocal.

    I use my time with myself to give myself a great deal of pleasure, and I deserve that pleasure. We deserve good things for ourselves! And with enough time to masturbate as much as I want in the way I want, I can give myself orgasms that leave me satisfied and refreshed, and after those orgasms I am more focused and comfortable, which makes me much more able to face the world and the people in it than if I were forcing myself to go out and be social when I want to masturbate instead and I know that masturbating would be way better than what I would be forcing myself to do simply because I think I have to.


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