What you describe is a common, almost universal experience.
QUESTION: After I shoot my wad, I feel kind of lost, let down, even ashamed. How do I get over this? I know it’s stupid! But I’m pretty young and I JO a lot, like 3 to 5 X a day, so it’s like a roller-coaster ride. How do I get over this?
RESPONSE: What you describe is a common, almost universal experience. Ejaculatory orgasm is an overwhelmingly blissful experience, usually lasting no more than a few seconds. Sometimes it lasts slightly longer, if you are fortunate. You are hurled over a Niagara Falls of intense sensation that usually includes a brief spell of total oblivion… produced by a burst of wonderful brain chemicals, such as dopamine and including the hormone oxytocin.
Fantastic as this is, the down-side almost inevitably follows soon. You tend to shift from ecstasy to a state of blah uncertainty, even mild depression or restless feelings. This is produced by the swift unraveling and dissolve of those bliss chemicals and hormones in your brain and nervous system. Often, soon after ejaculation, such stress-related chemistry as adrenaline and cortisol may re-surge into your bloodstream. The aftermath of ejaculation may range from drowsiness to uneasiness, to actual depression. It can help to stay relaxed in the aftermath.
That drop in how you feel is followed (usually!) by what is called the refractory period, or an interval of time that passes until you may again become aroused and feel like pursuing further erotic pleasure. During the actual refractory period, you are unlikely to be able to get another erection, with some exceptions. During my late teens, all through my 20s, even into my 30s, I sometimes got so highly aroused during masturbation, that I would ejaculate, and without really losing my erection, continue to a second or even a third ejaculation. This is sometimes possible for younger guys. Also, with erection enhancers such as Viagra or Cialis, your refractory period may be a lot shorter, regardless of your age. Only you may still need to recover for a while.
My suggestion is that you take up serious edging, even consider exploring periods of semen retention. This does not mean that you have to reject the joys of ejaculatory orgasm and try to always avoid it. It means you choose to masturbate for longer periods, as many hours as possible, even a matter of days or possibly weeks between ejaculations. To accomplish this it helps to employ some basics I often coach guys in: 1.) breathe deeply, do belly breaths while you masturbate, continuous breathing which means don’t pause at the top or bottom of the breath; 2.) keep relaxed, and don’t tighten up muscles; 3.) employ a variety of strokes; 4.) focus on yourself, instead of porn or fantasy—consider looking in the mirror while you stroke; 5.) change positions often, move around, masturbate in different places in your room, apartment, or house. When you get close to ejaculation, slow down or pause, if necessary.
When you end a session without ejaculating, the next time you masturbate, it’s like your body remembers those high plateaus of pleasure you explored the time before. Ejaculating less often, when you do spurt out that semen, your orgasm with be a lot more intense. Relax into the aftermath of your sessions, and you may be able to extend the actual pleasure of it longer. Though your balls may become extra-sensitive, you should not get blue balls if you keep your pelvis and urogenital system relaxed. These suggestions are just the start of what you can do to make your frequent JO sessions into a fine art of major self-pleasuring.
The higher, longer, and more intense pleasure you can enjoy masturbating this way should naturally help you overcome any shame or mild depression. I find the ecstasy itself helps you get over any lingering guilt or shame, better than counseling or other therapies. The practice is its own reward!
BRUCE P. GRETHER is the “BateMaster”. Mr. Grether’s lifelong love of penises and masturbation has led him to achieve a level of mastery and understanding of masturbation that is at once unique and extremely rare. He is renowned for both his ability to achieve seemingly endless states of prolonged and intense masturbatory pleasure as well as his skill in passing this knowledge on to his students. Mr. Grether has made it his life’s mission to encourage men to take their practice of masturbation to new levels of personal enrichment and self-discovery.
Mr. Grether is a globally recognized masturbation activist, an accomplished masturbation coach, and a tireless facilitator of masturbation workshops. In 2001 he coined the now popular term “Mindful Masturbation”. He is the author of a best-selling book, The Secret of the Golden Phallus, plus the erotic fantasy novels The Moontusk Chronicles. His website can be found at www.eroticengineering.com.
A note from The Batemaster: I’m honored that the guys at Bateworld have asked me to respond to some questions from male masturbators around the world every week.
Always check with your doctor about any issues you might be experiencing with your sexual organs. Prompt diagnosis and treatment are important. This article’s purpose is to inform and entertain readers and is not a substitute for medical advice or treatment.<