Ask The Batemaster: I Caught My Two Sons Masturbating

This is very private behavior you are speaking of (normally) and technically, it is strongly tabooed.

QUESTION: I’ve always told my boys they have the right to privacy in their room. Recently late one night when I got up to pee, I happened to hear something. Their door was cracked a bit so I could see my two teenage sons were watching porn together. Not only were they both masturbating, but doing it mutually. I’ll admit I watched a while, my own heart pounding, my dick hard, but I backed away quietly. Should I say anything to them?

RESPONSE: Best to honor what you told them about privacy and leave it up to them to deal with their relationship as brothers, unless you become aware of a problem or they say something. This is very private behavior you are speaking of (normally) and technically, it is strongly tabooed. But I’ve learned that such activity is a lot more common than some people might wish to know. Although there can be emotional or personal consequences, as with any intimate relationship, to be honest, many men tell me of such experiences in their youth. Not one man has spoken of it with regret, usually with great fondness.

Such activity shared by siblings cannot be publicly, officially advocated for legal reasons; yet for human and humanistic reasons, it cannot be given a blanket condemnation, either. When male siblings are involved, there is no issue of pregnancy or possibility of offspring involved. Your sons were doing this, I am certain, purely because it feels so good and probably as an exploration of possibilities. At their age erections are frequent and sometimes unexplained.

More than ever it’s clear that inside of families or outside familiar bounds, most human males are interested in penises and can enjoy sharing their arousal, can even enjoy masturbating with other males. The old absolute beliefs in guys who are 100% gay or 100% straight are truly falling by the wayside. I never did buy into such absolutes, partly from my own experience. As a young man in my 20’s, I had known since early boyhood of my strong same-sex attraction. Then when a very nice woman put the make on me, I conquered my fear of humiliation and discovered that I could perform. But it was a performance, not my true nature, which is more of a penis fixation.

I don’t call myself bisexual, but I often do find the label “gay” a bit limiting, as it is now politicized and has become something like a brand name! My many years of encouraging men to pursue masturbatory excellence, solo and also in company with Phallic Brothers, has convinced me more than ever that most men share a fascination with penises and male masturbation, no matter what they may publicly profess.

Remember that what people say in public and what people do privately are most often very different matters, and in your case, I suggest you respect the privacy you told your own sons they can have. Don’t mention anything about what you witnessed unless they bring it up.

If they want to talk about it, just keep calm, be loving, understanding and generous.

The Bate Master - Bruce P. GretherBRUCE P. GRETHER is the “BateMaster”. Mr. Grether’s lifelong love of penises and masturbation has led him to achieve a level of mastery and understanding of masturbation that is at once unique and extremely rare. He is renowned for both his ability to achieve seemingly endless states of prolonged and intense masturbatory pleasure as well as his skill in passing this knowledge on to his students. Mr. Grether has made it his life’s mission to encourage men to take their practice of masturbation to new levels of personal enrichment and self-discovery.

Mr. Grether is a globally recognized masturbation activist, an accomplished masturbation coach, and a tireless facilitator of masturbation workshops. In 2001 he coined the now popular term “Mindful Masturbation”. He is the author of a best-selling book, The Secret of the Golden Phallus, plus the erotic fantasy novels

The Moontusk Chronicles. His website can be found at www.eroticengineering.com.

A note from The Batemaster: I’m honored that the guys at Bateworld have asked me to respond to some questions from male masturbators around the world every week.

Always check with your doctor about any issues you might be experiencing with your sexual organs. Prompt diagnosis and treatment are important. This article’s purpose is to inform and entertain readers and is not a substitute for medical advice or treatment.

6 replies
    • Bruce P. Grether
      Bruce P. Grether says:

      I think a great many guys have such fantasies… and no fantasy is wrong to enjoy… though some fantasies may not be such a good idea to try to make literally real. What we sometimes miss when we get hot and bothered by fantasies is the reality of the human dimension of emotions, feelings, sensitivities. — BPG

      Reply
  1. Stefan Jax (aka doggyboner on BW)
    Stefan Jax (aka doggyboner on BW) says:

    All great advice.

    In Shere Hite’s 1981 classic “Hite Report on Male Sexuality” she famously found that 43% of teenage boys experimented sexually with other boys (usually through group or mutual masturbation) and this had no effect on their sexual orientation later in life. The vast majority grew up heterosexual, and most got married.

    I am gratified that more fathers I know encourage (verbally, not by showing) their teenage sons to enjoy masturbation without any guilt or shame. When that becomes more the norm than exception I know we will have a healthier society and be more well adjusted as men.

    Reply
    • Bruce P. Grether
      Bruce P. Grether says:

      Most important in real-life is that parents, particularly fathers, be willing to talk with their sons openly about masturbation and sexuality, advising that the practice is natural and healthy, and good to explore as much as you want in privacy. Hopefully more and more fathers are open to talking with their sons on these matters, though unfortunately there is still a lot of learned inhibition and awkwardness on the matter. An alternative is for parents to at the very least direct sons to some of the more reliable educational web-sites on the subject. I suggest a father check the site out carefully before directing his son to look at it. We all know that a lot of inaccurate information is also online.

      Reply
  2. Paul Nelson
    Paul Nelson says:

    What a great discovery to see boys enjoying themselves like this. I think it is an important gift and lesson to impart on our offspring to enjoy masturbation and make it a special and integral part of ones sexuality.

    Reply
  3. Dr. Rix
    Dr. Rix says:

    Lots of boys have created bonding by experimenting with self-pleasure, porn, creating trust between themselves. I think it very wise that this father respects their privacy. I ALSO think it’s very important that this father set an example of casual and respectful conversation about sexuality, so that the entire family knows that any kind of conversation about sexuality is accepted, welcomed and encouraged. It is NOT ENOUGH to just assume that kids get the right information. Most likely, just like this father discovered, young people are curious and that includes sexuality. Does a parent want their kids to get their sex info from their friends, at school, or on the internet, rather than feel good to ask their father these all important questions? I’m not saying you talk about what happened. I am suggesting that you sex the example for open and honest communication regarding sexuality. Whether they admit it or not, they look to you to guide them. You are their role model whether you like it or not. Do the right thing and make sexuality a casual topic because you love them. I promise they will thank you someday.

    Reply

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