QUESTION: I cum way too easily, way too quickly. It’s what I guess you call “premature ejaculation,” because I cum long before I really want to. I want the pleasure to last and last, but I just get too excited… even if I take my hands off my cock, I almost always cum way too fast. HELP ME!
RESPONSE: My work in encouraging excellence in male masturbation began because I experienced something similar. When I was younger, in my 20’s and 30’s, I could never make it last as long as I wanted. I wanted to be able to stay in the state of intense erotic ecstasy for prolonged, indefinite periods of timeless bliss. In 1995, I finally learned how to do this by re-training myself to masturbate in quite a different way.
I don’t like the word control for this, it’s about making ejaculation a choice, instead of something that just happens when you lose control; you accept 100% responsibility by paying close attention to how near the edge you really are.
I’ve said this plenty of times before, but the first key to learning to make ejaculation a choice, is to practice deep belly-breathing, not just tens upper-chest breathing: deep and continuous abdominal breathing without pausing between inhales or exhales. Keep breathing! This helps you to stay relaxed, and may produce mild hyperventilation, which is okay, so long as you don’t push it too far. Understand: erection is part of the relaxation response of your nervous system.
Focus on what you want, more pleasure, not on what you don’t want, or you may actually get that instead. Focus not on avoiding ejaculation, but on sustaining your pleasure.
“Even if I take my hands off my cock, I almost always cum way too fast.” This is an important point; it happens because all erotic stimulation is actually registering in your mind through your brain. Your mind and brain may continue to intensify the sensations as you are thinking of the pleasure you are feeling, maybe you’re fantasizing, even after you’ve stopped touching your erection. So that mental and emotional rush to the finish line pushes you over the edge.
Whatever other means of slowing down, breathing, varying strokes, varying positions you try, also pay full attention, pay very close attention to how close to ejaculation you are. Imagine a scale of 1-to-10. 1 is flaccid penis, no stimulation, 4 or 5 is fully erect, feeling great and slightly more than half way to ejaculation. 9 is called “ejaculatory inevitability,” meaning nothing can stop you from going over the edge. Until you grow really skilled, 7+ or around 8 is as high as you ought to go. With practice, you can hover at 8.999 indefinitely. But this is a skill you learn, with training.
There are other ways to spread the pleasure through your whole body, to keep from just focusing on your penis. Stroke down your thighs and up your belly with the other hand while you caress your penis. Do slow knee-bends while you masturbate. Maybe porn and fantasy easily make it too intense for you, so try practicing without those, or at least not the whole time.
And never, NEVER feel bad if you actually ejaculate while you’re trying to learn not to shoot so often. That’s not a failure, it means you are practicing!
You will get there!
BRUCE P. GRETHER is the “BateMaster”. Mr. Grether’s lifelong love of penises and masturbation has led him to achieve a level of mastery and understanding of masturbation that is at once unique and extremely rare. He is renowned for both his ability to achieve seemingly endless states of prolonged and intense masturbatory pleasure as well as his skill in passing this knowledge on to his students. Mr. Grether has made it his life’s mission to encourage men to take their practice of masturbation to new levels of personal enrichment and self-discovery.
Mr. Grether is a globally recognized masturbation activist, an accomplished masturbation coach, and a tireless facilitator of masturbation workshops. In 2001 he coined the now popular term “Mindful Masturbation”. He is the author of a best-selling book, The Secret of the Golden Phallus, plus the erotic fantasy novels
A note from The Batemaster: I’m honored that the guys at Bateworld have asked me to respond to some questions from male masturbators around the world every week.
Always check with your doctor about any issues you might be experiencing with your sexual organs. Prompt diagnosis and treatment are important. This article’s purpose is to inform and entertain readers and is not a substitute for medical advice or treatment.<