Most men, whether married, partnered, or single, also love to masturbate, even when they are regularly having other forms of sex.
QUESTION: At this big company where I work, there’s this handsome guy with a little dark beard, who I don’t really know. For the third time, I’m in the restroom and at the urinal he “shows hard,” so we go in a stall and jack each other to incredible orgasms. Now I’ve snooped a little and found out he’s married, with one little kid and another on the way. Is it wrong to do it again, now that I know about his family?
RESPONSE: Your basic situation is not really so uncommon as you might imagine, but there’s no simple right or wrong about doing it again. Most men, whether married, partnered, or single, also love to masturbate, even when they are regularly having other forms of sex with someone, whether their lover is female or male. In this case, it’s possible that the fellow and his wife are deliberately not having sex for now, while she’s pregnant again.
In quite a few cultures, same-sex sharing with another man is not considered unfaithfulness to a wife the same way it would be to have sex with another woman.
If he’s even just temporarily not having sex with his wife, this guy cannot be blamed for still wanting erotic pleasure of some kind. You really are not responsible for whether or not he is being faithful to his wife: he is responsible. Yet the fact that you know she exists, means that you have to deal with this in terms of your own conscience. It isn’t your job to be his conscience, either. Should you decide you don’t want to masturbate with him again, it may be better to make some other excuse, not tell him you know about his family. That would be judging him in a way you are not really qualified to judge.
If you both enjoy this, as it sounds like you do, and you can keep it private, it is actually no one else’s business. Only be prepared for awkwardness or even more unpleasant consequences if you tell anyone, or they find out some other way. It could be messy.
I’ve always told men who have involvements such as family or partners, that in terms of masturbatory pleasure, everyone has a right to their own private space in which to enjoy doing whatever you wish, so long as it doesn’t harm anyone else. However, because this does involve another actual person, with his own life and connections with other people, in a sense the responsibility is shared, even if you still don’t really know him. There’s always a possibility that someone else will find out.
Be prepared for the fact he may not want to do it again; he may suddenly choose to stop doing it out of his own feelings of guilt or shame. After all, if he’s married, he has vowed faithfulness to his wife. On the other side of the coin, on the honest human level you may be helping him continue to be a happy man, instead of becoming sexually frustrated. Or he could even be exploring a part of himself that he has not experienced before, possibly in a way he needs to check out.
Regardless, try to look at it from his perspective, also. He may never want to talk about it, still if he does, listen carefully, and respect his situation. Consider him and his family, first. You’ve had your fun, right?
BRUCE P. GRETHER is the “BateMaster”. Mr. Grether’s lifelong love of penises and masturbation has led him to achieve a level of mastery and understanding of masturbation that is at once unique and extremely rare. He is renowned for both his ability to achieve seemingly endless states of prolonged and intense masturbatory pleasure as well as his skill in passing this knowledge on to his students. Mr. Grether has made it his life’s mission to encourage men to take their practice of masturbation to new levels of personal enrichment and self-discovery.
Mr. Grether is a globally recognized masturbation activist, an accomplished masturbation coach, and a tireless facilitator of masturbation workshops. In 2001 he coined the now popular term “Mindful Masturbation”. He is the author of a best-selling book, The Secret of the Golden Phallus, plus the erotic fantasy novels The Moontusk Chronicles. His website can be found at www.eroticengineering.com.
A note from The Batemaster: I’m honored that the guys at Bateworld have asked me to respond to some questions from male masturbators around the world every week.
Always check with your doctor about any issues you might be experiencing with your sexual organs. Prompt diagnosis and treatment are important. This article’s purpose is to inform and entertain readers and is not a substitute for medical advice or treatment.