Ask The Batemaster

Ask The Batemaster: Asking A Friend To Bate

The best approach may be to tell him about yourself, in terms of some of the things that turn you on, without getting too specific…

QUESTION: My best friend and I jacked off together ever since he first came to my high school. Then not long after we graduated he rejected me, saying he wasn’t gay, and he moved away. Well, I’m not gay either, but I really loved that, the mutual touch with another guy and just two penis buddies going at it. Now I have a hot new friend who I know loves porn, but I’m afraid to mention what I’d like to do with him. What should I do?

RESPONSE: Only you can decide if you want to masturbate with him badly enough to risk that he might not be interested or could even take offense. Prepare yourself not to count on the exact outcome ahead of time, if you bring it up. The best approach may be to tell him about yourself, in terms of some of the things that turn you on, without getting too specific, if you’re not sure of his interests.

Tell him you’d be interested in watching some porn together with him. You could say something like, “I’m just curious to see what kind of porn you like best,” or something not too totally obvious and leading, like that. Of course, in a way the message IS obvious, because two guys watching porn together are likely to get aroused, and the matter of both guys masturbating while you watch is going to pop up (pun intended) naturally.

One other issue that may be going on here is that you say you are not gay, and though you also don’t say if you could be bisexual, even if you have had some heterosexual experience of sex, do you really have anything to gain by labeling yourself? Despite those common labels, “gay, bi, and straight,” such categories really refer to types of behavior, not types of people.

The truth is that even in terms of confidential studies such as the famous Kinsey Report, it’s never possible to know when people are being completely honest in answers about such a touchy subject as sexuality. Probably the vast majority of men, regardless of how guys label themselves, can get aroused by looking at penises, and might even enjoy masturbating with a male friend in the right circumstances. As I often say, what people easily admit to others, and what people choose to do privately, are two quite different, often completely different matters.

You mentioned “mutual touch,” so there was more to it than just seeing each other with erections and masturbating. Your high school buddy may have decided not to continue such activity, that it was just an experiment he doesn’t want to repeat again, but clearly you are interested. That’s healthy human nature at work, and nothing more.

You find your new friend attractive and are curious to share something more intimate with him. I suggest you don’t rush to push it on him, as a transition from “just friends” to “bate buddies” need to follow its own pace. Trust your intuition to sense his real attitude while you get to know him better. As your friendship develops, you will be able to speak about such things more directly.

Then, once you know each other pretty well, if you can suggest watching porn together, and he agrees, it’s almost inevitable with two guys that you’ll also end up masturbating together. You’d be wise to let him decide how far it goes in terms of mutual touch.

The Bate Master - Bruce P. GretherBRUCE P. GRETHER is the “BateMaster”. Mr. Grether’s lifelong love of penises and masturbation has led him to achieve a level of mastery and understanding of masturbation that is at once unique and extremely rare. He is renowned for both his ability to achieve seemingly endless states of prolonged and intense masturbatory pleasure as well as his skill in passing this knowledge on to his students. Mr. Grether has made it his life’s mission to encourage men to take their practice of masturbation to new levels of personal enrichment and self-discovery.

Mr. Grether is a globally recognized masturbation activist, an accomplished masturbation coach, and a tireless facilitator of masturbation workshops. In 2001 he coined the now popular term “Mindful Masturbation”. He is the author of a best-selling book, The Secret of the Golden Phallus, plus the erotic fantasy novels The Moontusk Chronicles. His website can be found at www.eroticengineering.com.

A note from The Batemaster: I’m honored that the guys at Bateworld have asked me to respond to some questions from male masturbators around the world every week.

Always check with your doctor about any issues you might be experiencing with your sexual organs. Prompt diagnosis and treatment are important. This article’s purpose is to inform and entertain readers and is not a substitute for medical advice or treatment.<

12 replies
    • Bruce P. Grether
      Bruce P. Grether says:

      That’s a real possibility. Bateworld, as opposed to regular porn sites of a wide variety, is very specifically focused on the bate. It’s also friendly to all kind of male sexualities, so long as they’re not phobic about “other” sexualities than their own, and so long as they’re willing to keep the focus on masturbation.

      Reply
  1. CHILLDADLACA
    CHILLDADLACA says:

    Greetings Bruce,

    I have emphasized specific desires and goals into the formation of various groups here on Bateworld. I have made similar attempts on other websites as well. In all the years I have put this emphasis out there, I have never once met anyone. I have also greeted persons and made a simple introductory mention including of my mindset and intentions but I never hear back from anyone. I thought it would be interesting to see what you think of my expressed thoughts as I have never directly asked anyone through a means such as this. Below is a copy and paste of my latest group making attempt which includes the groups description and goals as written by me. Please acknowledge and provide your feedback. Thanks, Jerry in Los Angeles aka CHILLDADLACA here on Bateworld

    BUDDY UP IN LOS ANGELES (really being socially engaged too)
    3 members – led by CHILLDADLACA
    One thing is for sure, we’re all horny for penis and love to cum. I’m attempting to differentiate this Los Angeles based group from other groups though. This group does NOT seek an endless number of guys to have their names added to it and then wait for someone to contact you to hook up. It also does NOT seek members who cruise other members with the primary intent being just to hook up to get off and split while remaining total strangers and more often than not with no intent to ever see or speak to each other ever again. I disliked that behavior when I was barely an adult yet and I still hate that behavior today.

    Sure we’re all horny bastards, we are all attracted to penis and the more often we cum the happier we are BUT there is much more to enjoy and fulfill than to just be cruising around repeatedly with a desire to hook up and then after going through all the hook up motions, you may not even follow through with it. Then soon enough you’ll start the same process all over again.

    Please ONLY join this group if you desire to be socially engaged with like minded men with whom you also share sexual chemistry. If the chemistry isn’t there, just say so. Can you send other guys real insightful greeting messages as opposed to 2 or 3 word messages like “what’s up” or “hey”? That’s random hook up language or just somebody who is too shy, bored and/or fantasizing while wasting your time. Please be able to create some insightful and intelligible dialog messages to be sent to other members that you desire to contact. Let your real desires and intents be known. It’s NOT just about penis and cum. Remember, there are genuine feelings and emotions connected to the guy whose penis and body you’re after and admit it, you have feelings and emotions to fulfill as well.

    Intimacy is being a real man and addressing each other’s feelings and desires. Make real buddies and form mutual bonds together. Discuss all kinds of commonalities not just sexual. Be able to hug each other and chill together socially too. Mutually desired tactility and intimacy combined with knowledge and openness make the best hardons.

    Reply
    • Bruce P. Grether
      Bruce P. Grether says:

      Please don’t take this wrong, but you might consider how your approach feels to other men here in general. Many men are somewhat “skittish” around sexuality and masturbation in particular, even though they may seem quite bold here on BW. To say “We’re all horny bastards after penis” is quite a generalization, as I suspect from my experience that many men here are actually quite shy, and have a wide variety of attitudes. I think possibly the first part of your description puts off some men because it emphasizes over and over again what you don’t want, rather than what you DO want. I like the last paragraph included here, better. “Intimacy is being a real man and addressing each other’s feelings and desires. Make real buddies and form mutual bonds together. Discuss all kinds of commonalities not just sexual. Be able to hug each other and chill together socially too. Mutually desired tactility and intimacy combined with knowledge and openness make the best hardons.” Again, I suggest you emphasize what you DO want, and though it’s okay to offer some parameters, to be quite demanding about what you don’t want may put some men off a bit. I hope this helps. – BPG

      Reply
  2. apalmer5
    apalmer5 says:

    I agree, the mutual interest in porn will be writers best opportunity to find out if his friends interested in bating together. Arousal from their mutual enjoyment of porn + sharing with each other what kinds of porn works best for them will surely lead to conversation about it. And then as they get more comfortable chatting about their common interests, our writer might mention about finding the time & place to watch/share some porn together. And see how it goes from there. Friend will either be interested – or not.

    I recall a lawyer friend taking me to his office one afternoon to pick up something & he casually mentions he had something to show me and walks over his computer and starts playing some porno. It only took him a few seconds to realize that I wasn’t interested in watching porn with him. And that was the end of that conversation.

    If watching some porn together inspires our writer he might just reach down to give himself a playful squeeze & let out a sigh or moan. And see what happens from there. Nice thing about penises its not difficult to notice if someones getting aroused – or not. Hopefully the writer will let us know how it works out, or not.

    So true about our sexual labels, bi, strt – whatever. I consider myself solosexual but its just a label. I think we’re all simply – sexual.

    Reply
  3. Bruce P. Grether
    Bruce P. Grether says:

    Please don’t take this wrong, but you might consider how your approach feels to other men here in general. Many men are somewhat “skittish” around sexuality and masturbation in particular, even though they may seem quite bold here on BW. To say “We’re all horny bastards after penis” is quite a generalization, as I suspect from my experience that many men here are actually quite shy, and have a wide variety of attitudes. I think possibly the first part of your description puts off some men because it emphasizes over and over again what you don’t want, rather than what you DO want. I like the last paragraph included here, better. “Intimacy is being a real man and addressing each other’s feelings and desires. Make real buddies and form mutual bonds together. Discuss all kinds of commonalities not just sexual. Be able to hug each other and chill together socially too. Mutually desired tactility and intimacy combined with knowledge and openness make the best hardons.” Again, I suggest you emphasize what you DO want, and though it’s okay to offer some parameters, to be quite demanding about what you don’t want may put some men off a bit. I hope this helps. – BPG

    Reply
  4. doggyboner
    doggyboner says:

    Great Q&A and discussion as always on this very important topic. I am bi (married to a woman) and over my life have had the good fortune to stumble upon this conversation, and subsequent nice surprise mutual JO sessions, with several of my long-time friends. They are all bi IMO but some identify more as str8. My first buddy bate was a yes to a direct question I asked of a friend one night while we were just chillin and the convo turned to jacking off. I share that story here:

    https://bateworld.com/blog.php?user=Doggyboner&blogentry_id=5038

    My second buddy bate was also a direct invitation via text which was accepted. This time, I did include watching porn together. This guy is bi, divorced with children, and he became one of my best bate buddies. Our story starts here:

    https://bateworld.com/blog.php?user=Doggyboner&blogentry_id=3557

    One night I was staying with a friend (married with kids) at a hotel and we got drunk and joked about watching porn and did, and then bated together side-by-side on twin beds. We did it again the next morning but he felt guilty about it and haven’t done it since. Although I still hold out hope and we are still great friends and very open about sex.

    Another time, a bi-leans-str8 single bro and I had enjoyed watching porn together (mostly str8) and one day I suggested we jerk off. He didn’t want to and that was the last time we watched porn. Though he still is a close friend and we are still very open about our sex lives.

    With other guys, I have asked about watching porn and they have declined, although we know we both do it on our own. One is totally cool that I am bi and we joke now and then about our activities in our “man cave” watching and jerking to porn.

    My takeaways from all of these experiences are A) Each guy is different. I never had a bad experience just asking. The worst that happened was I was turned down. On the plus side, asking has sometimes led to multiple fulfilling mutual masturbation sessions. and B) Nothing ventured, nothing gained. Never do anything foolish, but I bet a lot more guys would enjoy bating with a friend if they were just asked. We need to get more used to scoping out our buddy’s feelings on the matter, and a little more bold in pursuing this wonderful and bonding experience of jacking off together whether we or our friends are gay, str8 or bi.

    Reply
    • Bruce P. Grether
      Bruce P. Grether says:

      Excellent point, Brother, that basically the worst that can happen is you get turned down. If your friendship has any real strength, it should hopefully survive such a challenge of asking, and perhaps not getting a positive response. My feeling is that a lot more men want on some deeper levels to experience such bonding as masturbating with a male friend, than are able to give themselves permission to experience it. The power of internalized homophobia can be quite extreme. At the same time, the power of desire can indeed quite often overcome it and reward buddies with a good time together.

      Reply
      • doggyboner
        doggyboner says:

        To your point, I go out of my way to affirm guys who identify as str8 and like to jack off with other guys, that doing so is in no way a contradiction of their heterosexuality. There’s nothing at all wrong with being gay (or bi) and an awful lot that is wonderful and right about it, but jacking wood with a friend in no way changes who you are if the guy in question is a pussy hound and gets off beating his meat and watching porn with another str8 bud.

        Reply
        • Bruce P. Grether
          Bruce P. Grether says:

          Definitely good points. There are no absolutely factual, accurate studies, in terms of numbers or percentages, but as a student of the subject of male masturbation for decades, I know what you say is true. The evidence I see (and there’s plenty of it!) suggests that the vast majority of men can enjoy masturbating with a buddy, even if they may not want to talk about it or admit it more openly. Consider this: if a man insists he is not interested in penises, erections, male masturbation, then what does he think about himself as a human male?

          Reply
  5. apalmer5
    apalmer5 says:

    So true. I’m emboldened here but otherwise I’m extremely skittish talking about anything sexual with anyway ‘outside’ of here.

    Reply
    • Bruce P. Grether
      Bruce P. Grether says:

      Of course, this is one of the great values of BW, is as a “safe” and “respectful” place for openly discussing what in more public and real-time situations, many folks still feel awkward or even ashamed to discuss. – BPG

      Reply

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