Ask The Batemaster

Ask The Batemaster: Animal Phallus

This is a really intriguing subject, and there’s nothing wrong with the subject, even if you get aroused and masturbate looking at photos and YouTube on the subject.

QUESTION: I’m totally fascinated with animal penises and have a huge collection of hundreds of photos and vids of them. Not that I would ever actually touch an animal that way, but it gets me hot and I bate quite often to my collection. Am I twisted or weird?

RESPONSE: Most definitely there’s nothing at all bizarre about this interest, in fact I consider it perfectly natural, in more ways than one!

You are actually not the first, or second guy who has told me about a similar fascination with the richly varied male genitalia of the Animal Kingdom. Believe it or not, at least two guys on Bateworld have mentioned this to me (well, you are one of them) along with several others over my years as an erotic activist encouraging excellence in male masturbation. Each of you seems to pursue this interest to different degrees and in various ways.

This is a really intriguing subject, and there’s nothing wrong with the subject, even if you get aroused and masturbate looking at photos and YouTubes on the subject. There is a lot of information online on this subject, and you might as well enjoy collecting images and information. It is not bestiality, unless you have actual sexual contact with an animal, not a good idea, as it is likely to only annoy or confuse the creature.

This is one special area in which you might as well be grateful that you are human. Regardless of its specific dimensions, your human male appendage is by far the biggest in proportion to body size of any primate. Among our closest relatives, the Great Apes, penises range from 3 inches for some Chimps at the top end, to more like 1 or 2 for Gorillas and Orangs. At an opposite extreme is the penis of the barnacle—yup those tiny crustaceans that spend their life attached to a surface, extend a penis length that can surpass their body size by 50-to-1! This reproductive extension drifts and waves around in order to get the animal’s sperm close enough to a receptive female that she might get knocked up!

Most birds don’t really even have what we’d call a penis, though one champion in this regard is the Argentine Lake Duck that flings out a 17-inch corkscrew, from an ordinary duck-sized body. The famed cock of the Rooster is actually only a cloaca, more like most bird genitalia, a stubby little opening that he had to get pressed against “her” cloaca at just the right moment, while holding her wings with his feet. Ouch! Pigs have famously long thin extendable penises with a corkscrew tip. The Great Blue Whale has a massive penis that extends from within its body as needed, and yet relative to body size, it’s nothing to brag about.

This barely scratches the surface of the fascinating phalluses of the Animal Kingdom, among them those of Horses, Tapirs, and Banana Slugs for variations on the theme. I know you (my questioner) probably know a lot more of these than I do, but I list a few just for other readers who might want to Google the subject.

My own early memories include observing the massive equipment of a White Elephant in the Bangkok Zoo when I was a boy, and that swinging branch seemed somewhat prehensile as it swung around looking for something!


The Bate Master - Bruce P. GretherBRUCE P. GRETHER is the “BateMaster”. Mr. Grether’s lifelong love of penises and masturbation has led him to achieve a level of mastery and understanding of masturbation that is at once unique and extremely rare. He is renowned for both his ability to achieve seemingly endless states of prolonged and intense masturbatory pleasure as well as his skill in passing this knowledge on to his students. Mr. Grether has made it his life’s mission to encourage men to take their practice of masturbation to new levels of personal enrichment and self-discovery.

Mr. Grether is a globally recognized masturbation activist, an accomplished masturbation coach, and a tireless facilitator of masturbation workshops. In 2001 he coined the now popular term “Mindful Masturbation”. He is the author of a best-selling book, The Secret of the Golden Phallus, plus the erotic fantasy novels The Moontusk Chronicles. His website can be found at

A note from The Batemaster: I’m honored that the guys at Bateworld have asked me to respond to some questions from male masturbators around the world every week.

Always check with your doctor about any issues you might be experiencing with your sexual organs. Prompt diagnosis and treatment are important. This article’s purpose is to inform and entertain readers and is not a substitute for medical advice or treatment.<

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