Ask The Batemaster

Ask The Batemaster: Am I Evil?

*SPOILER ALERT—Anyone who might be seriously offended by a frank discussion of religion in relation to sexuality is welcome to skip this blog.

QUESTION: Hopefully this is not too evil! I really get off on looking at crucifixes, and paintings of the crucifixion, you know, how Jesus is almost naked there? Not that I like the blood and guts or torture part at all, but his body turns me on. Am I evil?

RESPONSE: (SPOILER ALERT—Anyone who might be seriously offended by a frank discussion of religion in relation to sexuality is welcome to skip this blog) The response to this question depends entirely on who you ask about it, and you lucked out this time, because I don’t think that’s evil at all, and not particularly uncommon. You definitely need to make up your own mind on this. Of course, quite a few seriously religious people, especially Christians, might be offended, but so long as you don’t push your feelings into their faces, there is no reason it needs to be a problem for you. By tradition, Jesus was supposedly a carpenter by trade, so he’s often depicted as quite muscular, and yes, on the cross he usually appears scantily clad.

In fact, according to the gospels at least three or four disciples of Jesus were fishermen, and though in that place and time people were modest about nudity in general, fishermen often worked naked on their boats. In John 21:7 it seems that Peter is naked on his fishing boat. Fishermen often had to plunge into the water and work with their nets, so nakedness may have simply been practical. Also, there is the GOSPEL OF THOMAS, not included in the Bible because it is a recent discovery. In this earliest fragment of gospel which dates from the first century Current Era, the disciples ask, “When will we see you?” Jesus responds, “When you strip off your clothing and dance upon it like little children, unashamed.”

Of course, nakedness was not taken too seriously in the ancient world, even though the people of the Middle East were quite modest 2,000 years ago. Your question reveals the conflicting messages we often see today, over two millennia later, when a religious image that depicts near-nakedness may arouse someone, while erotic pleasure in general may be frowned upon.

For a more contemporary example, look at how sexy a lot of advertising is, while many religious people will tell you that erotic pleasure is wrong, unless enjoyed in the context of marriage, primarily for the purpose of having children, and perhaps not even then. Maybe it’s just a duty? These are toxic beliefs that no sensible person subscribes to.

The truth is that in the Bible there is literally not a word about masturbation. The story of Onan is actually about a man reluctant to impregnate his dead brother’s wife, so though he has sex with her, he pulls out his erection and shoot his wad on the ground. Many of the weirdest religious attitudes about sexuality are clearly added to belief systems long after the original inspiration for those religions, mostly added by old men who probably hated their bodies and don’t want anyone else to enjoy themselves!

With all due respect to true believers, even if Jesus was divine, as well as human, there is no reason to believe he did not have a sex life of some kind. Don’t ever feel guilty or ashamed of admiring a beautiful human body, or even having a fantasy that you think someone else might not approve.

The Bate Master - Bruce P. GretherBRUCE P. GRETHER is the “BateMaster”. Mr. Grether’s lifelong love of penises and masturbation has led him to achieve a level of mastery and understanding of masturbation that is at once unique and extremely rare. He is renowned for both his ability to achieve seemingly endless states of prolonged and intense masturbatory pleasure as well as his skill in passing this knowledge on to his students. Mr. Grether has made it his life’s mission to encourage men to take their practice of masturbation to new levels of personal enrichment and self-discovery.

Mr. Grether is a globally recognized masturbation activist, an accomplished masturbation coach, and a tireless facilitator of masturbation workshops. In 2001 he coined the now popular term “Mindful Masturbation”. He is the author of a best-selling book, The Secret of the Golden Phallus, plus the erotic fantasy novels The Moontusk Chronicles. His website can be found at

A note from The Batemaster: I’m honored that the guys at Bateworld have asked me to respond to some questions from male masturbators around the world every week.

Always check with your doctor about any issues you might be experiencing with your sexual organs. Prompt diagnosis and treatment are important. This article’s purpose is to inform and entertain readers and is not a substitute for medical advice or treatment.<

3 replies
  1. Noah
    Noah says:

    It is evil—that’s what makes it fun.

    If you want to categorize sacrilegious as innocuous, it indicates an undisclosed belief system.

    • Bruce P. Grether
      Bruce P. Grether says:

      I get what you are saying. The forbidden fruit has a lot more appeal than mundane melons… 🙂 – BPG

      • Noah
        Noah says:

        Thank you for being thoughtful about my comment. I think the point of it is that men who may have been led to believe sexual pleasure to be bad behavior–sometimes, just changing one’s mind isn’t an option, especially when it’s become self-empowered judgment. The solution, for me, was to embrace the silly reality that it is bad–it is how my communities view me. So, what is more evil than doing what has been forbidden. The boys in us like to be naughty, but some of their souls are crushed and they can’t turn it around. I pity the ones whose minds are controlled by another…and it leads to no fun.


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