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Ask The Batemaster: Why Don’t All Guys Do Mindful Masturbation?

Why Don't All Men Do Mindful Masturation - The Bator Blog

The same things don’t work for every man, and though the basic essence of what male masturbation is about is something truly universal to most men, everyone is also individual.

 

QUESTION:

Now, what I do is always your kind of Mindful Masturbation! Don’t know why lots of guys still beat off all the time to porn, and huff poppers a lot, and keep racing to the finish-line like it’s the whole point. Why don’t all guys do Mindful Masturbation?

 

RESPONSE:

I love your question, Brother! It made me really pause to consider carefully. I realized that though I totally believe in what I teach guys, and for years I’ve seen how it does wonders for so many men who are willing to try it out, I really don’t have the ambition to convert all guys to doing it my way.

The same things don’t work for every man, and though the basic essence of what male masturbation is about is something truly universal to most men, everyone is also individual. Yes, I’ve seen many hundreds, maybe even thousands of men transform their masturbation from a fairly routine habit to something remarkably rewarding, via Mindful Masturbation practice. Still, there are many roads to Rome, as the saying goes, or a thousand ways to kiss the ground! 

Let me make clear: I’m not opposed to using porn; not opposed to poppers; not opposed to a focus on ejaculation. At the same time, if you wish to really develop your somewhat predictable or mundane habit of masturbation into a serious exploration of what is erotically possible for you, those habits should be questioned.

Porn can certainly be wonderful as fuel for arousal, but it can also become something tediously vicarious, and can even desensitize your ability to get off on just your own body, and to fully enjoy your own immediate sensations. It may be tough for your self-esteem in ways you are not consciously aware of. You may be longing for scenarios that are seldom available to you; you may be hungry to achieve a certain kind of appearance that may simply not be possible for you. Porn models often set unrealistic standards for most men’s actual appearance. Quite frankly, most porn models I’ve seen may look great, but most often they are not really erotic adepts, not the greatest sexual role models!

I suggest it’s good to set aside at least part of your practice to experience without porn. Similarly, though poppers are legal and not considered harmful, I personally know people who became so obsessed with huffing that they could not get off at all without poppers. I know people who feel their relationship with a partner was ruined by over-using poppers. Maybe some moderation on this score is wise.

I’ve often written about the value of not ejaculating so often, even learning to edge or retain semen for longer and longer intervals. This is something like keeping a vintage wine in your cellar, as you allow its character to develop over time, or aging a cheese until it becomes an exquisite treat. As wise men sometimes say, “Ejaculation is not the goal of pleasure, it is the end of it—at least for a while.” Personally, I prefer to cultivate my pleasure indefinitely!

But there is also the saying, “If it ain’t broken, don’t fix it!” So for the man content with his masturbatory enjoyment just as it is, I say, “More power to you, Brother!”

A note from The Batemaster: I’m honored that the guys at Bateworld have asked me to respond to some questions from male masturbators around the world every week.

Always check with your doctor about any issues you might be experiencing with your sexual organs. Prompt diagnosis and treatment are important. This article’s purpose is to inform and entertain readers and is not a substitute for medical advice or treatment.

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The Batemaster (Bruce P. Grether)

How Bruce P. Grether became the Batemaster

Among his earliest memories, Bruce recalls seeing an adult man’s penis swing about anchored in a nest of curly brown hairs when the man was changing clothes. That penis fascinated him and he somehow knew it was of major importance. He also remembers how good it felt to slide down a stairway banister or to climb a tree with pressure between his legs sending delicious sensations all through his body.

At an early age, he played doctor with another boy his age, and the frottage he enjoyed as they rubbed their penises together made him feel One with All Things.

He was older, maybe 9 or 10 years when he figured out how to actually masturbate while taking a shower. Immediately Bruce became a fan of self-pleasure, though, with puberty, he became extremely shy about his body being seen. Still, when his pubic hair sprouted and his penis grew bigger, it astonished him how incredible the sensations could feel with adult genitalia.

All through his 20s and 30s Bruce loved masturbating and did it often. Something kept tell him though, that there could be more to it. None of the books he read about Tantra and Taoist erotic cultivation provided simple how-to instructions. Finally, in his early 40s, he came upon Joseph Kramer’s video about male genital massage: FIRE ON THE MOUNTAIN.

Having no playmates to try this with, he tried it on himself. In the process, he discovered what he soon named “Mindful Masturbation.” For 6 weeks he masturbated for hours every day, and did not ejaculate once! This was the Penis Paradise he had been looking for since his adventures playing doctor as a young boy. He was changed forever and lost most of his shyness and insecurities.

Bruce began to listen deeply to whatever his penis told him. This way he learned more and more about male masturbation, the penis, and he studied human sexuality. Soon he was hired to write professionally for the sex education site JackinWorld (dot) com, which he did for some years under the name “Bruce McFarland.”

Since then, his erotic activism is more radical and he uses his actual given name: Bruce P. Grether, AKA the Batemaster. He has hosted workshops and now does online masturbation coaching. In 2012 his best-selling book THE SECRET OF THE GOLDEN PHALLUS was published and with his handsome young friend Blue Tyger he created the Erotic Engineering site to explore advanced male self-pleasure practices.

Bruce considers himself a Missionary of the Male Mysteries and his work continues.


View all posts by The Batemaster (Bruce P. Grether)

How Bruce P. Grether became the Batemaster

Among his earliest memories, Bruce recalls seeing an adult man’s penis swing about anchored in a nest of curly brown hairs when the man was changing clothes. That penis fascinated him and he somehow knew it was of major importance. He also remembers how good it felt to slide down a stairway banister or to climb a tree with pressure between his legs sending delicious sensations all through his body.

At an early age, he played doctor with another boy his age, and the frottage he enjoyed as they rubbed their penises together made him feel One with All Things.

He was older, maybe 9 or 10 years when he figured out how to actually masturbate while taking a shower. Immediately Bruce became a fan of self-pleasure, though, with puberty, he became extremely shy about his body being seen. Still, when his pubic hair sprouted and his penis grew bigger, it astonished him how incredible the sensations could feel with adult genitalia.

All through his 20s and 30s Bruce loved masturbating and did it often. Something kept tell him though, that there could be more to it. None of the books he read about Tantra and Taoist erotic cultivation provided simple how-to instructions. Finally, in his early 40s, he came upon Joseph Kramer’s video about male genital massage: FIRE ON THE MOUNTAIN.

Having no playmates to try this with, he tried it on himself. In the process, he discovered what he soon named “Mindful Masturbation.” For 6 weeks he masturbated for hours every day, and did not ejaculate once! This was the Penis Paradise he had been looking for since his adventures playing doctor as a young boy. He was changed forever and lost most of his shyness and insecurities.

Bruce began to listen deeply to whatever his penis told him. This way he learned more and more about male masturbation, the penis, and he studied human sexuality. Soon he was hired to write professionally for the sex education site JackinWorld (dot) com, which he did for some years under the name “Bruce McFarland.”

Since then, his erotic activism is more radical and he uses his actual given name: Bruce P. Grether, AKA the Batemaster. He has hosted workshops and now does online masturbation coaching. In 2012 his best-selling book THE SECRET OF THE GOLDEN PHALLUS was published and with his handsome young friend Blue Tyger he created the Erotic Engineering site to explore advanced male self-pleasure practices.

Bruce considers himself a Missionary of the Male Mysteries and his work continues.

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8 Comments

  1. Personally, I’ve always thought of my masturbation pursuits as a sexual buffet; dozens of delightful ways to enjoy my penis and orgasm/ejaculation. Although like most ‘bate enthusiasts I’ve “progressed” into edging, I’ve never really lost my attraction for the occasional quickie. When it comes to masturbation, it’s “all good.”

    We’ve all likely heard the statement that when it comes to masturbation, there are “no rules.” In the spirit of that, I like to experience my pleasure from as many perspectives as possible, so edging and quickies are just two of them.

    1. Indeed, many kinds of masturbation sessions can all be rewarding and worthwhile! I’m basically an advocate of high-quality, longer sessions, which I find provide deeper, higher, expansive benefits beyond the actual session! But with male masturbation, as I often say, it’s all good, so long as guilt and shame are not reinforced!

  2. True this from a personal anecdote about having sex with a porn star (albeit my singular experience)

    “Quite frankly, most porn models I’ve seen may look great, but most often they are not really erotic adepts, not the greatest sexual role models!”

    1. Thanks for your comment! It can also be SEEN to the discerning eye, which is a major reason I find most porn I see quite uninteresting and ultimately not very arousing! Perhaps my standards are too high? But there are cases of naturally and visibly exquisite erotic activity to be seen and heard! I find most of what I appreciate tends to be “amateur” porn, but as I’ve said, I really don’t look at much porn!

  3. Many men (myself included) are not patient by nature. A lot of life’s endeavors, however, take a dedication of time, energy and focus in order to maximize achievement. Combined with the frantic pace of today’s world, and the belief that masturbation is an inferior form of sex, and you can start to see why those of us who are mindful masturbators remain in the minority, at least for now. I was never able to achieve the incredible highs of multiple dry orgasms on a daily basis until at age 40 (over a decade ago now), I dedicated myself to a daily regimen of yoga and meditation, diet and at least an hour of uninterrupted and porn free masturbation. Until I mastered the breathing techniques and eliminated outside distractions, I was never able to fully unlock the ability to enjoy dry orgasms – and at times, lose track of time and place.

    1. Dear Brother John! Thanks so much for this remarkable testimony! Yes, at present (early 2021) clearly the genuinely mindful masturbators among men are a distinct minority, but it seems to me that the numbers who “get it” are growing! I was working online on a project with my Erotic Wizard’s Apprentice who I call Young Russell, a few days ago when I happened to Google “Mindful Masturbation” for the first time in years. I was amazed at how many people now use this term I coined about 20 years in the past, and I never knew it would catch on! More important is the actual practice, as you yourself discovered, and you are so right, it requires some patience and dedication to get there. However, it is so totally worth it! One of life’s great treasures, IMO!