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Ask The Batemaster: Why Does He Need An Audience?

Why Does He Needs An Audience - ATBM - TBB

“My boyfriend has trouble getting off with me, but has no trouble staying hard and blowing his wad when our bate buddies are involved…”

 

QUESTION:

My boyfriend and I love to bate together, as much as any form of sex. Lately, when it’s just the two of us, he seems to have trouble getting off, even goes limp or can’t come. We have several bate buddies who sometimes get involved, and when they watch him, he has no trouble staying hard and shooting his wad! It makes me a tiny bit jealous, I guess. Or is he just getting tired of me? Help! What should I do?

 

RESPONSE:

You cannot usefully try to force anyone to behave as you think they should, though it is quite often useful to clearly, honestly ask for what you want. In your situation, be aware that in the realm of male sexuality, a lot of familiarity can diminish the fires of passion. This seems to depend to some extent on the personal chemistry between those sharing erotic activity such as masturbation. But personal chemistry is a mysterious thing not easy to figure out. 

Quite commonly, as far as sexual interactions are concerned, men often crave variety with others, even when they may still have strong feelings for the guy who has been their primary. This may lead into the somewhat sticky territory of so-called “open relationships,” or possessiveness versus permission.

Your boyfriend may have a stronger streak of exhibitionism in him than you do. This could be part of the reason why he seems to appreciate a “wider audience” for his stroking and his ejaculations. Novelty, plus an ever-expanding audience, may be the spice he needs to get off, as you suggest. 

Part of your challenge is to decide how much your relationship with him matters to you, even though the original flames of your mutual ardor may have cooled somewhat. Perhaps you are still strongly attracted to him. Though he may still find you attractive, it may not be enough to keep his desire blazing. Tough as it may be to admit this to yourself, consider this. Try to weigh out how important it is to you that you can “get him off” without more participants.

Male group masturbation is such that it does provide more variety of erotic stimulation than a couple who feel bound to being a pair. Some couples can relax into this kind of more open, if not totally promiscuous relationship. Others have more trouble with it. Humans are complicated, and this makes human relations extremely complex.

You might consider that, if you can relax your possessiveness to some extent, the variety is also spicy for you!

A note from The Batemaster: I’m honored that the guys at Bateworld have asked me to respond to some questions from male masturbators around the world every week.

Always check with your doctor about any issues you might be experiencing with your sexual organs. Prompt diagnosis and treatment are important. This article’s purpose is to inform and entertain readers and is not a substitute for medical advice or treatment.

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The Batemaster (Bruce P. Grether)

How Bruce P. Grether became the Batemaster

Among his earliest memories, Bruce recalls seeing an adult man’s penis swing about anchored in a nest of curly brown hairs when the man was changing clothes. That penis fascinated him and he somehow knew it was of major importance. He also remembers how good it felt to slide down a stairway banister or to climb a tree with pressure between his legs sending delicious sensations all through his body.

At an early age, he played doctor with another boy his age, and the frottage he enjoyed as they rubbed their penises together made him feel One with All Things.

He was older, maybe 9 or 10 years when he figured out how to actually masturbate while taking a shower. Immediately Bruce became a fan of self-pleasure, though, with puberty, he became extremely shy about his body being seen. Still, when his pubic hair sprouted and his penis grew bigger, it astonished him how incredible the sensations could feel with adult genitalia.

All through his 20s and 30s Bruce loved masturbating and did it often. Something kept tell him though, that there could be more to it. None of the books he read about Tantra and Taoist erotic cultivation provided simple how-to instructions. Finally, in his early 40s, he came upon Joseph Kramer’s video about male genital massage: FIRE ON THE MOUNTAIN.

Having no playmates to try this with, he tried it on himself. In the process, he discovered what he soon named “Mindful Masturbation.” For 6 weeks he masturbated for hours every day, and did not ejaculate once! This was the Penis Paradise he had been looking for since his adventures playing doctor as a young boy. He was changed forever and lost most of his shyness and insecurities.

Bruce began to listen deeply to whatever his penis told him. This way he learned more and more about male masturbation, the penis, and he studied human sexuality. Soon he was hired to write professionally for the sex education site JackinWorld (dot) com, which he did for some years under the name “Bruce McFarland.”

Since then, his erotic activism is more radical and he uses his actual given name: Bruce P. Grether, AKA the Batemaster. He has hosted workshops and now does online masturbation coaching. In 2012 his best-selling book THE SECRET OF THE GOLDEN PHALLUS was published and with his handsome young friend Blue Tyger he created the Erotic Engineering site to explore advanced male self-pleasure practices.

Bruce considers himself a Missionary of the Male Mysteries and his work continues.


View all posts by The Batemaster (Bruce P. Grether)

How Bruce P. Grether became the Batemaster

Among his earliest memories, Bruce recalls seeing an adult man’s penis swing about anchored in a nest of curly brown hairs when the man was changing clothes. That penis fascinated him and he somehow knew it was of major importance. He also remembers how good it felt to slide down a stairway banister or to climb a tree with pressure between his legs sending delicious sensations all through his body.

At an early age, he played doctor with another boy his age, and the frottage he enjoyed as they rubbed their penises together made him feel One with All Things.

He was older, maybe 9 or 10 years when he figured out how to actually masturbate while taking a shower. Immediately Bruce became a fan of self-pleasure, though, with puberty, he became extremely shy about his body being seen. Still, when his pubic hair sprouted and his penis grew bigger, it astonished him how incredible the sensations could feel with adult genitalia.

All through his 20s and 30s Bruce loved masturbating and did it often. Something kept tell him though, that there could be more to it. None of the books he read about Tantra and Taoist erotic cultivation provided simple how-to instructions. Finally, in his early 40s, he came upon Joseph Kramer’s video about male genital massage: FIRE ON THE MOUNTAIN.

Having no playmates to try this with, he tried it on himself. In the process, he discovered what he soon named “Mindful Masturbation.” For 6 weeks he masturbated for hours every day, and did not ejaculate once! This was the Penis Paradise he had been looking for since his adventures playing doctor as a young boy. He was changed forever and lost most of his shyness and insecurities.

Bruce began to listen deeply to whatever his penis told him. This way he learned more and more about male masturbation, the penis, and he studied human sexuality. Soon he was hired to write professionally for the sex education site JackinWorld (dot) com, which he did for some years under the name “Bruce McFarland.”

Since then, his erotic activism is more radical and he uses his actual given name: Bruce P. Grether, AKA the Batemaster. He has hosted workshops and now does online masturbation coaching. In 2012 his best-selling book THE SECRET OF THE GOLDEN PHALLUS was published and with his handsome young friend Blue Tyger he created the Erotic Engineering site to explore advanced male self-pleasure practices.

Bruce considers himself a Missionary of the Male Mysteries and his work continues.

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2 Comments

  1. And I’m just the opposite; I prefer just one-on-one masturbation sharing. And we’re a hetero couple.
    I’m happy just sharing a good Jack & Jill with my wife. I find a group of people more of a distraction than a turn-on. Perhaps there’s just too much activity with more people. I like to focus on my cock and seeing her work her pussy. I’ve had the opportunity to exhibit myself with a group and it was certainly a fun thing to do, but I prefer a smaller, simpler scenario.

  2. This seems like a reasonable response. I think the two of them should do the BDSM test and see where they stand on the sexual scale. If the BF is an exhibitionist, then this is what he needs to do. It doesn’t mean he doesn’t love his partner.

    The only risk is when the relationship no longer becomes healthy and communicative, bonds break down and the heart starts to question it all, which leaves the door open for emotional straying.

    Acceptance of your partner is key.