“We do “fishing” weekends together at a rented cabin. If our families only knew, it could be a disaster, I guess! But is this strange? How strange is it?”

QUESTION:

In college, my dorm roomie and I used to bate together a lot. That was long ago, and now we only see each other once every few years. We’re both married, with families we love, but when we can we still like to get naked together and stroke one out. It’s not just frustration, more like some kind of genuine bonding. We do “fishing” weekends together at a rented cabin. If our families only knew, it could be a disaster, I guess! But is this strange? How strange is it?

RESPONSE:

Your friendship of Phallic Brotherhood with this man sounds like a personal treasure for both of you, though there is the element of uncertainty that involves the potential impact on your families. Everyone has the right to private space in which it is nobody’s business what you do, so long as it does not directly hurt anyone else. Plus, there is the saying, “What someone doesn’t know cannot hurt them.”

So long as you both know you can fully trust each other to share this secret and to keep it discreet, then there may not be much chance of discovery. Any two men sharing a rental or genuinely private space are not necessarily lovers of any kind There is no reason anyone should assume that. 

Your mention of genuine bonding is important. When men share masturbatory pleasure, this can indeed produce a kind of re-imprinting, or at least a conditioning that deepens the personal connection beyond ordinary friendship. Conditioning is when you accept opinions from outside yourself, gain a belief. It could be that your shared experience has conditioned you to care about each other more than casual “buddies” might. Re-imprinting, on the other hand, may actually produce brain changes. This happens when, in an intense erotic trance states, your nervous system becomes open to a shift of realities that actually changes your neurological wiring.

The lasting connection with your friend is something to cherish. It is also wise to consider the priorities of your families, which must take precedence, as there may be consequences for other people you deeply care about and love. So long as you are careful to make your masturbation sessions with your former college roomie special occasions and keep them totally private, this need not be viewed as an either/or situation.

Human life is complicated, and human sexuality is definitely fraught with complexities, contradictions, and undercurrents. Despite simplistic models of classifying men into “straight, bi, and gay” categories (to which today we might add “queer, trans, and asexual,” or whatever) according to supposed percentages of the population, in reality most men feel at least some same-sex attraction.

Your relationship with this long-term friend is not strange in any way. You bless each other with the fact that you both still enjoy the intimacy. With caution and care over how you arrange and conduct your meetings, if this makes you happier men, though they might never know about it, even your families may benefit!

A note from The Batemaster: I’m honored that the guys at Bateworld have asked me to respond to some questions from male masturbators around the world every week.

Always check with your doctor about any issues you might be experiencing with your sexual organs. Prompt diagnosis and treatment are important. This article’s purpose is to inform and entertain readers and is not a substitute for medical advice or treatment.