Ask The Batemaster: Feeling Left Out

If they’re now more inclined to share without including you, that says more about them than it says about you.

QUESTION: I share a big house with 5 college buddies and now we’re mostly doing classes remotely. One friend, J. and I are bate buds, but then we did it with P., which we all three agreed was extra hot. Now they seem more into each other and I’m hurt. What can I do?

RESPONSE: Sorry that you feel bad about losing your primary place as a masturbation buddy with your friend J. Still, you can never control how other people behave. This is one of life’s tough lessons. All efforts to make someone love you, lust after you, or even just like you, are somewhat misguided. The best approach is always to be true to yourself; be who you truly are on the inside, then the right people will appreciate you for the right reasons.

At the same time, if you can do it without resentment or accusation, it might help to try to honestly discuss this with both J. and P. You feel hurt, so it’s best to wait a little while before you try to communicate about it, or it may come across as a self-pity party. That doesn’t make anyone more attractive. To blame P. for taking J. away is probably misguided, as J. really didn’t belong to you anyway, right? You had no commitment, it seems, just a history.

If you feel ready to discuss the subject calmly, you might approach the subject of your feelings on the issue first with J. He was your original cohort in masturbating together. From my perspective and limited information on the situation, I certainly cannot tell how much these two fellows are open to such communication, or how seriously they may take your feelings.

Your communication with both of them is most likely to produce some success if you also avoid the urge to blame or shame anyone. Speak not so much about what they have done, so much as how you feel now being left out of the playtime they share. Suggest that there might be a win-win solution for all involved. If you did it with both of them together, they must both have some appeal to you. If they’re now more inclined to share without including you, that says more about them than it says about you.

Depending on how seriously they take this kind of masturbation sharing, or perhaps they do not take it so seriously, your best bet could also be to back off. Try to enjoy your own solo masturbation as much as possible. If anyone else among your housemates appeals to you, who knows what else might develop? 

You can always employ a good classic tactic among the other guys: while dressed, sort of play with yourself through your trousers, as if rearranging your genitalia for comfort. If you don’t overdo this, you can gauge the reactions of the other guys. If anyone else is interested, you can probably tell by how they react.

If you have your own room, masturbate while mostly clothed, with your door cracked, pretending you don’t know it’s open. Or if your other housemates seem more relaxed about sexual matters, you could even propose watching some porn together. At worst, they might say no, or even accuse you of being a pervert—at best, you might start a nice new trend!

A note from The Batemaster: I’m honored that the guys at Bateworld have asked me to respond to some questions from male masturbators around the world every week.

Always check with your doctor about any issues you might be experiencing with your sexual organs. Prompt diagnosis and treatment are important. This article’s purpose is to inform and entertain readers and is not a substitute for medical advice or treatment.