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Ask The Batemaster: Bating Without My Boyfriend

In any significant relationship it’s best to always be honest, if possible.

QUESTION: Sometimes I use my phone to record myself stroking one out, especially when I’m parked in my car. The other day my boyfriend borrowed my phone and found a car bate vid I made. I saw him get a boner watching it, but then he told me he felt hurt. Asked why I need to bate when I have him for sex anytime. He’s pouting. So how do I fix this situation?

RESPONSE: You’ve got two basic choices: first you could promise never to masturbate again while he’s your boyfriend; or second, you could bite the bullet, be honest and tell him that as much as you love him, sometimes you get horny and need immediate relief. Maybe you just need more than he does. The first option, of course, is unrealistic and probably not honest. In any significant relationship it’s best to always be honest, if possible.

That second option I described brings up the matter of your boyfriend’s self-esteem, his sensitivity about how much you need him, and perhaps how openly and honestly you can communicate in your relationship. It seems that certain parameters commonly accepted for monogamous heterosexual marriage have bled over into many other kinds of relationships, and often this makes the ride bumpier. 

Human reality is that it’s not fair to either person for two to be expected to fulfill every need and desire for each other forever. Recent studies of tribal and hunter-gatherer cultures that survive show there is seldom anything quite like our modern concept of monogamous heterosexual marriage. Even in the case of a primary partner bond, both partners usually feel free to sometimes consort with other lovers of either sex. Sometimes this is done quite openly, other times it’s “out of sight, out of mind,” which might spare the feelings of the other person.

Still, in your case, your second option, which basically involves some open and honest communication is probably best. Don’t feel awkward or guilty about what you did, which was perfectly natural, understandable, and not intended to cause any harm. Probably the best approach is to reassure your boyfriend and tell him how much you like him and care about him. Emphasize that because you still sometimes also want to masturbate on your own, that is not because he is not enough for you.

Tell him that maybe your own sex drive is stronger than those of some people, and you don’t love him any less because of this need. You could even tell him how much it would mean to you if he could accept it.

If you’re convinced he can’t handle any such open and honest communication on the subject, without actually lying to him, you could tell him you’ll try not to do that again. Apologize and tell him you’re sorry if you upset him. Then, just be a lot more careful not to get caught, because in your inner self, you deserve to enjoy all the penis pleasure you want. It isn’t reasonable to give up extra masturbation. You should not be forced to choose between that enjoyment and enjoying him.

A few more things: be even more careful not to get caught by the wrong person while you’re bating in your car. Keep those vids of it better hidden!

A note from The Batemaster: I’m honored that the guys at Bateworld have asked me to respond to some questions from male masturbators around the world every week.

Always check with your doctor about any issues you might be experiencing with your sexual organs. Prompt diagnosis and treatment are important. This article’s purpose is to inform and entertain readers and is not a substitute for medical advice or treatment.

 

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The Batemaster (Bruce P. Grether)

How Bruce P. Grether became the Batemaster

Among his earliest memories, Bruce recalls seeing an adult man’s penis swing about anchored in a nest of curly brown hairs when the man was changing clothes. That penis fascinated him and he somehow knew it was of major importance. He also remembers how good it felt to slide down a stairway banister or to climb a tree with pressure between his legs sending delicious sensations all through his body.

At an early age, he played doctor with another boy his age, and the frottage he enjoyed as they rubbed their penises together made him feel One with All Things.

He was older, maybe 9 or 10 years when he figured out how to actually masturbate while taking a shower. Immediately Bruce became a fan of self-pleasure, though, with puberty, he became extremely shy about his body being seen. Still, when his pubic hair sprouted and his penis grew bigger, it astonished him how incredible the sensations could feel with adult genitalia.

All through his 20s and 30s Bruce loved masturbating and did it often. Something kept tell him though, that there could be more to it. None of the books he read about Tantra and Taoist erotic cultivation provided simple how-to instructions. Finally, in his early 40s, he came upon Joseph Kramer’s video about male genital massage: FIRE ON THE MOUNTAIN.

Having no playmates to try this with, he tried it on himself. In the process, he discovered what he soon named “Mindful Masturbation.” For 6 weeks he masturbated for hours every day, and did not ejaculate once! This was the Penis Paradise he had been looking for since his adventures playing doctor as a young boy. He was changed forever and lost most of his shyness and insecurities.

Bruce began to listen deeply to whatever his penis told him. This way he learned more and more about male masturbation, the penis, and he studied human sexuality. Soon he was hired to write professionally for the sex education site JackinWorld (dot) com, which he did for some years under the name “Bruce McFarland.”

Since then, his erotic activism is more radical and he uses his actual given name: Bruce P. Grether, AKA the Batemaster. He has hosted workshops and now does online masturbation coaching. In 2012 his best-selling book THE SECRET OF THE GOLDEN PHALLUS was published and with his handsome young friend Blue Tyger he created the Erotic Engineering site to explore advanced male self-pleasure practices.

Bruce considers himself a Missionary of the Male Mysteries and his work continues.


View all posts by The Batemaster (Bruce P. Grether)

How Bruce P. Grether became the Batemaster

Among his earliest memories, Bruce recalls seeing an adult man’s penis swing about anchored in a nest of curly brown hairs when the man was changing clothes. That penis fascinated him and he somehow knew it was of major importance. He also remembers how good it felt to slide down a stairway banister or to climb a tree with pressure between his legs sending delicious sensations all through his body.

At an early age, he played doctor with another boy his age, and the frottage he enjoyed as they rubbed their penises together made him feel One with All Things.

He was older, maybe 9 or 10 years when he figured out how to actually masturbate while taking a shower. Immediately Bruce became a fan of self-pleasure, though, with puberty, he became extremely shy about his body being seen. Still, when his pubic hair sprouted and his penis grew bigger, it astonished him how incredible the sensations could feel with adult genitalia.

All through his 20s and 30s Bruce loved masturbating and did it often. Something kept tell him though, that there could be more to it. None of the books he read about Tantra and Taoist erotic cultivation provided simple how-to instructions. Finally, in his early 40s, he came upon Joseph Kramer’s video about male genital massage: FIRE ON THE MOUNTAIN.

Having no playmates to try this with, he tried it on himself. In the process, he discovered what he soon named “Mindful Masturbation.” For 6 weeks he masturbated for hours every day, and did not ejaculate once! This was the Penis Paradise he had been looking for since his adventures playing doctor as a young boy. He was changed forever and lost most of his shyness and insecurities.

Bruce began to listen deeply to whatever his penis told him. This way he learned more and more about male masturbation, the penis, and he studied human sexuality. Soon he was hired to write professionally for the sex education site JackinWorld (dot) com, which he did for some years under the name “Bruce McFarland.”

Since then, his erotic activism is more radical and he uses his actual given name: Bruce P. Grether, AKA the Batemaster. He has hosted workshops and now does online masturbation coaching. In 2012 his best-selling book THE SECRET OF THE GOLDEN PHALLUS was published and with his handsome young friend Blue Tyger he created the Erotic Engineering site to explore advanced male self-pleasure practices.

Bruce considers himself a Missionary of the Male Mysteries and his work continues.

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2 Comments

  1. I’ve had no luck with the boyfriend thing, but sometimes I really need to jerk off thinking about someone I’ve had sex with – it’s as if the sex isn’t over until I’ve bated thinking about him, so it’s kind of a continuation of the love-making process. Maybe try to make him understand that it actually makes you feel closer to him (if this is the case)?

  2. Thanks for your thoughtful and honest reaction to this column, Kevin. I think this basic situation is fairly common among today’s male masturbators… and ultimately, to some extent what someone never knows cannot hurt them. However it is definitely more ideal if you can be open and honest. Not always easy, or even possible, of course! Peace — BPG