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Ask The Batemaster: Addicted & Impotent at 27

…Return more attention to yourself, or to real-life masturbation buddies, either online or in person.

QUESTION: I’m totally addicted to porn, and I can’t masturbate without it. I’m 27-years-old, and I can hardly get a hard-on or come. I’m like an addict that can’t get a fix. What gives? Help!

RESPONSE: Your situation is not so uncommon in today’s world, Brother. But listen to yourself and don’t limit your options by writing a script you have to follow. To me, the word “addicted” sounds too dysfunctional for something that, in moderation, can be just a totally healthy obsession.

It’s common in today’s world of free easy-access Internet porn to associate porn with masturbation. You may even make the connection so strong you can’t imagine it any other way. But I’ve seen porn over the last 50 years shift from expensive magazines and old celluloid 8-millimeter films you could only get in special, fortified “adult” stores, to franchise stores selling VHS tapes, DVDs, and now to the kind of online limitless wet-dreams we have today.

There is no moral problem with porn, so long as no one was forced or exploited in making it, and no one is underage, though you may not be able to tell for sure on your end. Unfortunately, too much of a good thing can be less than wonderful or can even become a serious problem. Science reveals that you have three particular brain centers that circulate the signal of pleasure while you are aroused and experiencing erotic stimulation. Two major forms of stimulation going on are: stimulating your genitals and heightening your arousal through recorded sexual activity.

Studies verify that too much stimulation of those three areas of your brain with lots and lots of porn can end up counter-productive, and actually starts to diminish your pleasure. Unless you back off a little and add variety to how you are getting off, you may begin to suffer less vigorous erections, and less satisfying sensations. Easy access porn means more and more younger men than ever are suffering from erectile dysfunction.

Try to cut back on the porn, and return more attention to yourself, or to real-life masturbation buddies, either online or in person. Try using your own imagination, but even a lot of fantasy is not always helpful. Try mirror masturbation: watch yourself in the mirror while you do it. What makes a man most attractive is not just appearance, it’s his attitude, his enthusiasm, his appreciation for masturbation.

You might even have to try going cold-turkey—force yourself to take a complete break from porn. This may prove really difficult, but so worth it if you can restore the quality of your erections and your sensations. If necessary, seek out support from a qualified sexological counselor, and look for online support groups.

Moderate use of porn for erotic stimulation may not lead to functional problems like those you’ve suffered. There really are all sorts of degrees of involvement with porn. Personally, I suggest Mindful Masturbation which returns the focus to yourself, to your own body, to what you are actually doing and feeling in the moment here and now.

A note from The Batemaster: I’m honored that the guys at Bateworld have asked me to respond to some questions from male masturbators around the world every week.

Always check with your doctor about any issues you might be experiencing with your sexual organs. Prompt diagnosis and treatment are important. This article’s purpose is to inform and entertain readers and is not a substitute for medical advice or treatment.

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The Batemaster (Bruce P. Grether)

How Bruce P. Grether became the Batemaster

Among his earliest memories, Bruce recalls seeing an adult man’s penis swing about anchored in a nest of curly brown hairs when the man was changing clothes. That penis fascinated him and he somehow knew it was of major importance. He also remembers how good it felt to slide down a stairway banister or to climb a tree with pressure between his legs sending delicious sensations all through his body.

At an early age, he played doctor with another boy his age, and the frottage he enjoyed as they rubbed their penises together made him feel One with All Things.

He was older, maybe 9 or 10 years when he figured out how to actually masturbate while taking a shower. Immediately Bruce became a fan of self-pleasure, though, with puberty, he became extremely shy about his body being seen. Still, when his pubic hair sprouted and his penis grew bigger, it astonished him how incredible the sensations could feel with adult genitalia.

All through his 20s and 30s Bruce loved masturbating and did it often. Something kept tell him though, that there could be more to it. None of the books he read about Tantra and Taoist erotic cultivation provided simple how-to instructions. Finally, in his early 40s, he came upon Joseph Kramer’s video about male genital massage: FIRE ON THE MOUNTAIN.

Having no playmates to try this with, he tried it on himself. In the process, he discovered what he soon named “Mindful Masturbation.” For 6 weeks he masturbated for hours every day, and did not ejaculate once! This was the Penis Paradise he had been looking for since his adventures playing doctor as a young boy. He was changed forever and lost most of his shyness and insecurities.

Bruce began to listen deeply to whatever his penis told him. This way he learned more and more about male masturbation, the penis, and he studied human sexuality. Soon he was hired to write professionally for the sex education site JackinWorld (dot) com, which he did for some years under the name “Bruce McFarland.”

Since then, his erotic activism is more radical and he uses his actual given name: Bruce P. Grether, AKA the Batemaster. He has hosted workshops and now does online masturbation coaching. In 2012 his best-selling book THE SECRET OF THE GOLDEN PHALLUS was published and with his handsome young friend Blue Tyger he created the Erotic Engineering site to explore advanced male self-pleasure practices.

Bruce considers himself a Missionary of the Male Mysteries and his work continues.


View all posts by The Batemaster (Bruce P. Grether)

How Bruce P. Grether became the Batemaster

Among his earliest memories, Bruce recalls seeing an adult man’s penis swing about anchored in a nest of curly brown hairs when the man was changing clothes. That penis fascinated him and he somehow knew it was of major importance. He also remembers how good it felt to slide down a stairway banister or to climb a tree with pressure between his legs sending delicious sensations all through his body.

At an early age, he played doctor with another boy his age, and the frottage he enjoyed as they rubbed their penises together made him feel One with All Things.

He was older, maybe 9 or 10 years when he figured out how to actually masturbate while taking a shower. Immediately Bruce became a fan of self-pleasure, though, with puberty, he became extremely shy about his body being seen. Still, when his pubic hair sprouted and his penis grew bigger, it astonished him how incredible the sensations could feel with adult genitalia.

All through his 20s and 30s Bruce loved masturbating and did it often. Something kept tell him though, that there could be more to it. None of the books he read about Tantra and Taoist erotic cultivation provided simple how-to instructions. Finally, in his early 40s, he came upon Joseph Kramer’s video about male genital massage: FIRE ON THE MOUNTAIN.

Having no playmates to try this with, he tried it on himself. In the process, he discovered what he soon named “Mindful Masturbation.” For 6 weeks he masturbated for hours every day, and did not ejaculate once! This was the Penis Paradise he had been looking for since his adventures playing doctor as a young boy. He was changed forever and lost most of his shyness and insecurities.

Bruce began to listen deeply to whatever his penis told him. This way he learned more and more about male masturbation, the penis, and he studied human sexuality. Soon he was hired to write professionally for the sex education site JackinWorld (dot) com, which he did for some years under the name “Bruce McFarland.”

Since then, his erotic activism is more radical and he uses his actual given name: Bruce P. Grether, AKA the Batemaster. He has hosted workshops and now does online masturbation coaching. In 2012 his best-selling book THE SECRET OF THE GOLDEN PHALLUS was published and with his handsome young friend Blue Tyger he created the Erotic Engineering site to explore advanced male self-pleasure practices.

Bruce considers himself a Missionary of the Male Mysteries and his work continues.

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9 Comments

  1. Similar as well, been a bator since well forever and always ‘rose’ to the occasion for my erections. But when first attempt at intercourse (I was in my early 20’s) with a gal omg I was soft the entire time. And I totally didn’t expect that to happen. Nor I suppose did she either. I ‘fiddled’ around and explored her best I could but was such a let down for me. We went out a time or two after that but just on a friendly basis and there was never another offer of sex again.

    Yet I could replay that wonderful moment in time seeing her naked and our bodies inter-meshing and get fully erect for a bate – no problemo. And my next encounter with a gal – the same thing happened but she was way more understanding about it. I was able to masturbate her to my hearts content. And she played with me as well but don’t recall if she helped me cum.

    Then I began to realize gosh something’s really wrong with me sexually. I can bate and bone all I want but not fuck. And I had the drive to chase after gals but… Then some years back I stopped getting erect for my bates as well. Yet I still love to masturbate.

    Eons ago I finally did meet 1 gal who truly knew what to do for my issue and totally took (wonderful) care of me. Hopefully this reply isn’t too rambling of but we should all learn to be open for exploring and learning more about ourselves sexually.

  2. There’s a really good point in your last sentence: “…we should all learn to be open for exploring and learning more about ourselves sexually.” I suggest that you chalk up those earlier experiences to learning about yourself, as there is really no right or wrong. That’s history, and yet I honor it as relevant and important history in your journey… plus it’s really valuable for you to share it here, for it may inspire others to consider their own journeys more fully. Thanks, Brother! — BPG

    1. At 65 I’ve been a daily bator for – eons. Presume how many just depends on how many you’d like to have. For me, a morning session seems to suit my needs just fine. Don’t think there’s really a right or wrong answer for your query. Over the years I’ve also done more than 1 a day. Personally, I don’t really want to make masturbation a career choice. I know some here post about how they can go all day long. It’s a personal choice really.

      1. Dear Brother apalmer5: I agree 100%! Different amounts of masturbation suit different men. I don’t actually masturbate 24/7 as some men might imagine… however, I do find regular quality masturbation sessions important to all other aspects of my varied life. For me, masturbation is only one of several careers I pursue, also being a painter and a writer of books. Peace, BPG

  3. Hi my Phallic Brother Roy: Well, in my opinion it is entirely your choice whether you ejaculate often, like every day or every few days, or very seldom, like just once every few weeks, or months, or almost never. These are all options that seem to work well for various men. If you don’t mind, I’ll use your question for another new ATBM column really soon, okay? IT’s a good question, though only you can finally answer it! Peace, BPG

  4. Wonderful response Bruce to a very important question in this day and age. A term I use a lot in my sexological practice is fixation. We like what we like, and we want more of what we like – all of this is perfectly natural and human. But there is a point that our brain gets bored. Even if we had the option to eat our favorite food everyday, every meal, at some point we’d get bored – it’s how our brain is wired, so mixing moderation with variety is really important. We’ll always have our favorite meals to go back to, but mixing it up as much as possible is part of sexual health too. Even in one’s self-pleasuring mix it up – stand up, sit down, lay down, kneel, use one hand, then the other, then a toy, use porn, don’t use porn, and so one. Sure it might feel foreign or it might take longer – so what? It’s all part of the fun. Similar to what you said, if we keep our self-pleasuring practice varied, then when we have an actual person there, our body is more easily adjustable. Also, never forget, the mind and body are vary malleable. How we do something today will most likely be very different than how we did it 10 years ago, or ten years from now. It’s okay and in fact, it’s great to change things up as much as possible. Our mind and body like it!

    1. Your responses are also wonderful and insightful, Jallen. Thanks so much! I like how you mention “mixing moderation with variety” and most definitely, the kind of mixing of modes you describe is excellent! For example, I don’t watch porn a lot, but now and then for the fun of the intense arousal, I find a video or two that really gets me hot and highly aroused. Most of the time, I’m able to ascend plateau-to-plateau in my ecstatic states most effectively in a mindful manner, focused on the here and now, whether alone or with a masturbation buddy. Changing positions and varying stroking patterns are also excellent. Even the most mindful masturbator might want to forgive himself for now and then just pumping out a load as fast as possible. Most men I observe pump their penis very rapidly and faster and faster to climax. Gee! Try slowing down slower and slower too. As you also wisely suggested: “…it might take longer – so what?” Thank you again, my Phallic Brother!

    2. So true… gosh over the eons my bate techniques have changed for sure. And fav routines are just like a eating a favorite meal or dessert. It’s there when we want it but its also amazing to try something new and different, stroke left handed instead of right. For years I used my Magic Wand so much (every morning) I had to rewire the cord as it eventually frayed. And now my Wand sits on the top shelf in my closet.