Skip to content

Follow us on:

Home » Ask The Batemaster » Ask The Batemaster: A New Bator Each Time

Ask The Batemaster

Ask The Batemaster: A New Bator Each Time

A-new-Bator-each-time---ATBM---TBB

I love to cam with guys and bating online is important to me. But I’m always looking for someone new…

QUESTION:

I love to cam with guys and bating online is important to me. But I’m always looking for someone new. How do I tell a guy I’ve bated with before “No” without hurting his feelings?

RESPONSE:

The cliché is true that “Honesty is the best policy,” as much as possible. However, a good case can be made for the notion that “little white lies” to avoid seriously hurting someone’s feelings may be better than the alternative. Of course, this is especially true in a case where the person is not likely to ever learn the uglier truth! 

If you decide to try the honesty tack, I suggest you can still spare your other guy’s feelings as much as possible. In this case it’s at least partly true, I think, to say something like: “I really enjoyed masturbating with you. You are an attractive guy with a great penis, and this is about me, not about you. I’m sort of weird or quirky this way, but for me, once is always enough!” Something to this effect may still prove a bit puzzling or unsatisfying to the dude, but at least you’re doing your best not to crush his ego!

Another, not so kind approach is to just kind of “ghost” the person and pretend you don’t see his messages. The drawback of this is that you leave the person dangling, and it really isn’t very kind.

Yet a third approach, more challenging, but possibly more rewarding for you and the guys you share cam masturbation with online, is to work on yourself. It truly is more about you than about them! Try to figure out just why you have this sort of absolute parameter. Does it really serve you well? Does it need to be so absolute?

Your preference is not actually some huge character flaw. Still, you may be limiting your options for continuing fun. Consider saying “Sure!” to a second session, and this time put some focus at the start on getting to know this guy a little bit. In the circumstances, you’re wise not to interview him in too much detail. Don’t dig for major specifics like exactly where he lives, or his real name, if he’s using some online nick. At the same time, if the latter is the case, you can say, “Is there a first name that I can call you by? If you prefer, it doesn’t need to be your real name.” This is something I sometimes offer men myself; they usually come back with their actual first name.

Another way to try opening a door with another guy is to ask him about anything special he enjoys during masturbation, such as ball-play, nipple stimulation, or anal toys. If he opens up at all about this, go the extra mile and maybe surprise yourself by trying something new. Don’t just think about yourself, consider him.

go the extra mile and maybe surprise yourself by trying something new. Don’t just think about yourself, consider him.

I’m not judging you, but it sounds like you’ve boxed yourself in a bit. Try to open up to your potential masturbation buddies in a friendly way and they may open up to you in ways you will also appreciate. Sometimes masturbating again with a new friend is more fun than doing it just once with a total stranger! 

A note from The Batemaster: I’m honored that the guys at Bateworld have asked me to respond to some questions from male masturbators around the world every week.

Always check with your doctor about any issues you might be experiencing with your sexual organs. Prompt diagnosis and treatment are important. This article’s purpose is to inform and entertain readers and is not a substitute for medical advice or treatment.

author avatar
The Batemaster (Bruce P. Grether)

How Bruce P. Grether became the Batemaster

Among his earliest memories, Bruce recalls seeing an adult man’s penis swing about anchored in a nest of curly brown hairs when the man was changing clothes. That penis fascinated him and he somehow knew it was of major importance. He also remembers how good it felt to slide down a stairway banister or to climb a tree with pressure between his legs sending delicious sensations all through his body.

At an early age, he played doctor with another boy his age, and the frottage he enjoyed as they rubbed their penises together made him feel One with All Things.

He was older, maybe 9 or 10 years when he figured out how to actually masturbate while taking a shower. Immediately Bruce became a fan of self-pleasure, though, with puberty, he became extremely shy about his body being seen. Still, when his pubic hair sprouted and his penis grew bigger, it astonished him how incredible the sensations could feel with adult genitalia.

All through his 20s and 30s Bruce loved masturbating and did it often. Something kept tell him though, that there could be more to it. None of the books he read about Tantra and Taoist erotic cultivation provided simple how-to instructions. Finally, in his early 40s, he came upon Joseph Kramer’s video about male genital massage: FIRE ON THE MOUNTAIN.

Having no playmates to try this with, he tried it on himself. In the process, he discovered what he soon named “Mindful Masturbation.” For 6 weeks he masturbated for hours every day, and did not ejaculate once! This was the Penis Paradise he had been looking for since his adventures playing doctor as a young boy. He was changed forever and lost most of his shyness and insecurities.

Bruce began to listen deeply to whatever his penis told him. This way he learned more and more about male masturbation, the penis, and he studied human sexuality. Soon he was hired to write professionally for the sex education site JackinWorld (dot) com, which he did for some years under the name “Bruce McFarland.”

Since then, his erotic activism is more radical and he uses his actual given name: Bruce P. Grether, AKA the Batemaster. He has hosted workshops and now does online masturbation coaching. In 2012 his best-selling book THE SECRET OF THE GOLDEN PHALLUS was published and with his handsome young friend Blue Tyger he created the Erotic Engineering site to explore advanced male self-pleasure practices.

Bruce considers himself a Missionary of the Male Mysteries and his work continues.


View all posts by The Batemaster (Bruce P. Grether)

How Bruce P. Grether became the Batemaster

Among his earliest memories, Bruce recalls seeing an adult man’s penis swing about anchored in a nest of curly brown hairs when the man was changing clothes. That penis fascinated him and he somehow knew it was of major importance. He also remembers how good it felt to slide down a stairway banister or to climb a tree with pressure between his legs sending delicious sensations all through his body.

At an early age, he played doctor with another boy his age, and the frottage he enjoyed as they rubbed their penises together made him feel One with All Things.

He was older, maybe 9 or 10 years when he figured out how to actually masturbate while taking a shower. Immediately Bruce became a fan of self-pleasure, though, with puberty, he became extremely shy about his body being seen. Still, when his pubic hair sprouted and his penis grew bigger, it astonished him how incredible the sensations could feel with adult genitalia.

All through his 20s and 30s Bruce loved masturbating and did it often. Something kept tell him though, that there could be more to it. None of the books he read about Tantra and Taoist erotic cultivation provided simple how-to instructions. Finally, in his early 40s, he came upon Joseph Kramer’s video about male genital massage: FIRE ON THE MOUNTAIN.

Having no playmates to try this with, he tried it on himself. In the process, he discovered what he soon named “Mindful Masturbation.” For 6 weeks he masturbated for hours every day, and did not ejaculate once! This was the Penis Paradise he had been looking for since his adventures playing doctor as a young boy. He was changed forever and lost most of his shyness and insecurities.

Bruce began to listen deeply to whatever his penis told him. This way he learned more and more about male masturbation, the penis, and he studied human sexuality. Soon he was hired to write professionally for the sex education site JackinWorld (dot) com, which he did for some years under the name “Bruce McFarland.”

Since then, his erotic activism is more radical and he uses his actual given name: Bruce P. Grether, AKA the Batemaster. He has hosted workshops and now does online masturbation coaching. In 2012 his best-selling book THE SECRET OF THE GOLDEN PHALLUS was published and with his handsome young friend Blue Tyger he created the Erotic Engineering site to explore advanced male self-pleasure practices.

Bruce considers himself a Missionary of the Male Mysteries and his work continues.

Related Posts

Leave A Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

4 Comments

    1. I know exactly what you’re talking about and haven’t come to a firm conclusion yet. The best thing I can come up with it’s about the joy of the ‘hunt’. On any one particular night when you’re horny, you’ve got one orgasm in your arsenal and you don’t want to ‘waste it’ on somebody you’ve already done, but rather find something/someone new. What do you think?

    2. I enjoy online (skype) bates too. I call them “one offs” and it’s not that I’m always looking for someone new, but often times we happen to be located in different parts of the world and the timing for repeat sessions just doesn’t work out.