Ask Dr. Bate

EDITOR’S NOTE: We’re so pleased to welcome Garland Jarmon and Toby DeLuca to TheBatorBlog’s Ask Dr. Bate column. If you’d like to submit questions, please email them at [email protected].

Hey Dr. Bate!

Toby:

Thank you for sharing your story, your excitement and your concern. First of all, let me ease your mind about any health concern related to ejaculating with a soft cock. There is absolutely nothing to be concerned about. You are a young man with a strong libido…enjoy it!

It’s a common misnomer that your cock can only ejaculate when it is erect. Many guys with erectile dysfunction (E.D.) ejaculate without getting a full erection. The flaccid penis can be very sensitive and enjoyable, often bringing more diverse senses of pleasure than an erect penis.

As for the thicker, whiter consistency of your semen on the second ejaculation, it is also very common. The amount of cum and its consistency is directly related to hydration. Your body used a lot of hydration (water) to produce your first amazing load and therefore there is not as much water in the second load making it thicker, less liquidy. Enjoy your flaccid cock!

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Garland:

Thank you for your question as it touches on something that is near and dear to my heart, daddy/boy fantasy and relationships. First of all let me say that there is NOTHING wrong with you! Enjoy your fantasy! Age really is, especially in this case, often just a number. Mentality, on the other hand is something entirely different. But, for the sake of exploration, let’s dig a little deeper.

It is said that many a true word was spoken in jest. In the same spirit, many a deeper desire is explored in fantasy. This is neither right nor wrong. It just offers us fertile soil to explore things that might be subconscious, hidden, past, or hungers.

Without talking to you further and without more history, it’s almost impossible to give wholly accurate reasons as to why your daddy fantasies have remained all these years. However, allow me to posit some potential reasons based on the little information you have given me. Feel free to dismiss or explore further any of these suggestions.

• Power – Often daddy/boy fantasies center on a certain power dynamic. The boy is usually the submissive in the relationship and the daddy the Dominate. How far these Dom/sub (D/s) roles get played out is different for each pairing. No two are the same. Could it be that you desire to explore more of a submissive sexual/erotic role?
• Trauma – This gets into the realm of things usually subconscious and often dissociative (and often better resolved with a good therapist). Could there have been a traumatic experience as a child that you have somehow sexualized as a means of coping and/or healing your emotions? Are there internal dialogues and struggles you are reticent to address and heal? The tale of the gay man with daddy issues because there wasn’t a dad present at home is often a very real thing in my experience.
• Symbolism – Perhaps you like what a daddy represents to you – brute strength, guidance, power, wisdom, nurture, discipline, sternness, muscle, prowess, masculinity, etc. Perhaps daddies are your cream of the crop of sexual delights. Perhaps daddies are the guys you desire as the ultimate “dream come true.” Maybe it’s time to go and pursue a daddy instead of just wishing and fantasizing about it. Perhaps it’s time to do a little bit more digging and exploration for yourself. Maybe not. Only you know!

If I may though, let me offer you something to chew on from the late and great Langston Hughes (whom also was a gay man):

Happy discovering, brother! Enjoy the journey!

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Garland Jarmon heralds from 7 years as an HIV/AIDS educator and sexual health counselor for individuals and couples. Having a Masters in Social Work and now as a Certified Sexological Bodyworker, he seeks to help all those in the LGBTQIA, straight, and Bator community live a more wholesome and embodied life, full of mindfulness and conscious exploration.

Toby de Luca comes from a background in Education and Massage Therapy. With a Masters in Teaching and also as a Certified Sexological Bodyworker, he to assist folks in facilitating stronger, healthier relationships with their own bodies and their relationships with others.

Together they co-own their own Sex and Erotic Coaching business — Spiritual Eros (www.SpiritualEros.com). They desire to bring to the BateWorld Community an opportunity to have open and honest discussion about issues that many of us face. They believe that everything is an experiment and that the only failed experiment is one you don’t collect the data from. They also understand that because their answers may not fit every lived experience, they welcome community members to offer their own experiences, challenges, and triumphs. They are proponents that healthy community creates healthier lives…and healthy lives, healthier communities!

Garland and Toby are Sexologists and as such are NOT medical doctors or therapists. The opinions, suggestions, and advice given are not meant to be in lieu of your primary care physician’s medical advice. If you are concerned about a medical condition or have a medical emergency, PLEASE contact your doctor, urgent care, or emergency room!

Brothers, we encourage you to exercise your best and highest wisdom and intuition!